saw this movie about a girl who knew she was going to die at 34. so she hurried her life, did all she could do (It sure helped she was very rich) but didn't fight enough for her love....anyway, she hurried her life and didn't think about consequences.
I am a little like that. I sometimes live by the rule : I'd rather regret doing it than regret not doing it. It's strange that with age I don't hurry more, I hurry less...like I am accepting my condition somehow. Or maybe I am just in love.
Here's a song I heard yesterday
I am off to the wedding and probably return after midnight so that's why I am hurrying now :P meanwhile doing my make-up, my hair, adjusting my cam and talking to Mr. X =)) I am multitasking.
Just realized the song is very good for the tittle. llloooolll
It did not start out from the song. It strated from something Mr. X said.
Ah U2, I've missed them.
I struggle to find something to write that isn't as hard as led. War and jealousy, love...anyway, any subject you can’t write about when you’re trying to ease your shoulders.
Yeah, it’s impossible.I don’t have anything more than war and lies, I find jealousy stupid but as a disease that hits you sometimes…
OMG!!!!!! damn. 16 fucking minutes late. Mea culpa. Eh...going for it now. I just hate this. These days I was reading and studing and seeing a movie and ignoring my grandma and talking on messenger and happy aquarium on fb in the same time and I didn't forget. I've been on "vacation" since 6 in the afternoon (because I did what I wanted to do for school by then) and I just wasted time and I FORGOT!!! GOD!
Well many things happened today. Excited about my very very very young aunt's wedding (this morning and went and was the official fotographer) and a trip with my highschool colleagues/friends. And I discovered I am very short on cash =)) and I froze to death waiting for Mr. X to pic me up after the wedding (the legal one, not religious one). It was not his fault btw arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate that I forgot !!!
* just realized I can modify the date and I could fool you :D...but I don't. kisses.
I am so sure there are manyyyy posts in the world with this title. It seems so cheezy.
On my way to the university I was thinking about yesterday's post and got the conclusion that what I would really like to know is when did man start to put a price on beauty. You know...like a pot of gold is worth two cows or to get a woman you had to have a pretty feathered crown. ...transforming beauty into a symbol and attaching an owner to it. I mean, except for nature's beauty every kind of beauty has an owner, every diamond, every crown, every painting or work of art, every nice dress. Someone owns them and in some way or another they use those pretty things for power. God! Everything seems to be about power, but I am bored with concepts.
Strange day today. I was waiting for the bus and something kinda sad happened. A highschool professor walked by and I didn't remember what class he taught. I got a bit discouraged. Omg, I am forgetting my teachers!? Which made me remember I get a little insecure of my memories sometimes because the mind reshapes the information and maybe what I remember in a way happened in a totally different way. That's scary. I eventually remembered he was our sports professor.
I said that someone is more beautiful that all the snowflakes that were in front of my eyes. Those snowflakes were shinning like little diamonds because of the light on the street and it was snowing slowly. Because of this implicit comparison between a person's beauty and the beauty in something that wasn't human, someone asked : How can you compare beauty between two different types of things? Someone is right . How can you compare apples with pears? But at the end of the day some people like apples more than pears. So it is possible. My answer at the time was (and is still) that I can judge by what I feel, the pleasure I get from looking at them. I look at the snowflakes and I say they're beautiful . I look at someone and I think someone is beautiful. Both times I want to sit and stare, but only for one my "beauty meter" goes through the roof, and that is just a feeling. I judge with what I feel. Isn't that contradictory?
It's sad that we can't appreciate beauty alone. Critics also study the rules the artist followed, the technique he used, the colors, the artistic period. Their heart is clouded by technicalities. A simple viewer is influenced by price, by the artist's name, by size. You say duh!, everything is predefined. Our minds are not blank, our sight goes through our brain which is already full with opinions, beliefs etc etc so we cannot appreciate the beauty in something without awakening other thoughts in our minds. I wonder if Mona Lisa was even more beautiful if we didn't know what painting was, or Michelangelo or museums or even the word "beauty". What would we feel? How would a cave person appreciate the most beautiful dress, or those snowflakes for that matter if he was from the Amazon?I wonder how far in our evolution did we start to like things only because of beauty (not because of advantages of any kind). Of course we probably didn't have the concept "beauty" yet but that doesn't mean we didn't know it/see it/hear it/feel it/smell it.
Maybe you think this is a pointless questions, but since elementary school when in Romanian we talked about the theories that this world is only an imperfect reflection of the world of ideas I have looked for meaning in everything. The physical universe, Plato describes as a pale imitation of its true form, the metaphysical world where Ideas are eternal, immovable and also separate from the one that thinks them or the object upon which they ponder. Maybe with Ideas I can start to see the absolute truth and implicitly, true beauty.
Unfortunately Plato also says that LOVE(or Eros) is continuous dissatisfaction of the soul...I hate that I am human.
To be in tone with Greece...I miss it. I miss the heat, the buildings, the sea, the wind, the temples everywhere I looked, the roads through the mountains, oh how I miss Delphi and Athens, miss walking on the shore of Thessaloniki...
I am browsing though some pictures...I mean some (lots of) dvd's with pictures from highschool.
One of us made a facebook group and we are posting photos and videos. It's quite fun. I have felt, since highschol ended that we drifted apart a lot , but it's like now, everyone feels the same and misses the other. Missing someone is a strange thing.
Anyway, I almost forgot how much fun we had. I laughed today like I haven't in a while browsing though videos to post on the group. Pride is the word to describe what I mostly feel. I know that all my friends are ok and are growing up nicely, are good people ...and I am proud to have them as my mates.
I am up to my neck in a project I have to do as an exam for school. It has to do with Red Cross (as you might notice my new widget in the left). We are supposed to make a PR campaign and I chose this organization. I am starting to fall for my own campaign thinking more and more seriously of joining. The problem is I would really prefer something only for the summer, so if you know anything leave a message. Anything to help senior citizens and\or children. I have a certificate in piano and English so teaching would be alright. During school I really have time problems.
I almost forgot about the blog, being very concentrated in communicational objectives and tactics of communication and camps and implementing concepts in 14 year olds . uh! That you Mr. X ! although I should call him Mr Present cause the x thing is no working for him :P
The package from Connecticut got here. Yeyyyyyyy! Made someone happy today! It kinda missed my deadline, but it was my fault or the post man's fault (so thanks Austin from Bicio). It got here probably Friday which would have been alright if the post office had annouced me earlier in the day. The post office for picking up packages closes early. I had to pick it up Monday and missed the deadline Saturday 23.01 .
The other deadline is this project which I ignored for 3 days and is due on the 28th.
And my present deadline is finishing this post by 00.00 .
I got another deadline today, from myself. I want to drive to Paris by the time I am 30. I was staring at this photo I have framed from there and I thought to myself I don't feel it so far away...them I saw the European map in my head and started an imaginary line from Bucharest to Paris and...oh boy, thousands of kilometers. I realized that I would absolutely adore to get there on my own. People are welcome to come with me, sure, but I am driving !
Some trips are supposed to be taken. Like the first time you get up and start walking by yourself for two steps, you accomplish something, you learn something, you are at another level . Just at a larger scale is driving to Paris. Hope I'll get there in one piece...how about this summer? :D
I have two things to say: I think prose is safer. It's harder for someone to label you as an incompetent writer while writing in prose (in my mind, at least), but in order for me to do prose I have to have actions and plot which sometimes I lack, not because there isn't any but because I don't see it or I find it uninteresting so I see only emotions, inner thoughts of mine or maybe belonging to someone very close. That kind of "life" I can only translate in rimes and verses. I make them up as I see or think the moment that inspires me...but I am forced to decide between ending it and getting a pen or just let it flow, like a paper boat in the big ocean. So I forgot what I "wrote" , I only remember the emotion or tone. I wanted to post something I made up yesterday, but I realized I had forgotten the words, which made me write this...because I wanted to tell you a lyrical story, simbolic enough to hide the intimacy of the moment, but constructed so that it can be enjoyed. I have to figure out how to remember them :P
While blogging I have noticed other blogs, by coincidence or out of curiosity. They all seem to have a "greater purpose", the appreciated ones I mean. To do list before I am 30, some exciting event that triggered a story, an affair, political, oriented towards a certain public professionally, spiritually etc etc. I wondered today what was the reason for my blog. I can yeap and yeap to people face to face, no need for a blog, I am not a loner. I am so laughing at myself but it's like Bridget Jones' line : I had decided to take control of my life, and start a diary, to tell the truth about Bridget Jones, the whole truth.
I dared myself to write everyday. I am "forced" everyday to take a few moments for myself and think about that I did or what happened that day. The days don't just go by, time is not running so fast and I know I'll have a few moments for myself, for browsing songs I like, pictures I took, discussions I had. I once told someone that the first promises I break are the ones to myself. That has changed.
I was tagged by the cute pink bear today so I must fulfill my task. 3 things that give me a muscle fever and that I enjoy. Oh stop it! Don't be kinky. I don't get muscle fever from that :P. No preferential order, just how I remember.
1. Roller skating. The firs day that I take them out, after a long winter and a loong wet spring I feel some pain , but I like skating a lot.(strangely...ice skating doesn't do the same)
2. Shooting with the big lenses or the old zenit! That baby is to heavy to be carried on one hand, but I constantly shoot only with my right. After a few hours I feel some pain in my arm.
3.Lifting weights....nope , joke but the occasional pilates goes in this category.
No inspiration whatsoever. Sitting in the house has left me blank with problems of general interest. I am not going to describe how slowly the snowflakes fall outside or how grandma is going to make my staying alone so much more appreciated when she's gone or how I have studied 0 ... no sir, I won't tell you anything about it.
I wish for blossoms and for spring I wish for wind under your wing I wish for truth and sight to see I wish your lips were just for me I wish for happy and delight I wish you knew you are my light.
Natalie Portman + Devendra Banhart (ps: they are dating o_O)
Don't try to read the guy's name out loud, you will hurt your tongue. The reason I post this is a video I have found that makes me laugh a lot. The song is not bad, folksy indie thing, quite cute. The video...well it is ...The Imaginarium of Doctor Banhart ;)
Paralized in between two "needs": the "need" to drown the fears and nerves caused by upcoming exams with studying and the "need" to take photographs. I end up doing neither. If I study my mind just sees concepts and places and how pretty the light is somewhere and if I abandon the book I am crushed by guilt . What do you do? And this is not a rhetorical question! It's funny because this is usually when I get things done. I clean what I wanted to clean for half a year,I move whatever I wanted to move since last year, I arrange the whatevers, I make my portfolio, I answer all my mails, I call the friends I should have called...mostly everything that is not studying. I vacuum , I wash my dishes, I keep my clothes neat. At the end of the day, even if I did not do the thing I should be doing (by most standards) I still feel that I have accomplished something. Here's one I managed to slip by in between the emails and the dishes :
I said I'll post the first song I hear on the radio :
Ah the 90's . I was 9 when this came out and I heard it in my early teens for the first time. It was probably the time it hit our country. We really took it slow after communism. I look at this video and it seems primitive. A couple of days ago I had this fugitive thought. What will the future humans discover with their fossil brushes? I mean like Pompey or buildings in Rome, like Sarmizegetusa or some writing on stone. I'll bet it will take them a while to decipher our messenger language when they will fix our petrified computers found under meters of dirt.
(some ice on branches near my window. they defied their weight. thought it was cool)
Maybe you think that we are passed that and everything of value will be stored, conserved and so on. First of all you are living on this side of the "universe", the side with computers and money for food and internet. There are cultures in this world right now who will disappear smothered by us. I only figure that some new way of life or "people" will eventually over-power us in some way and we will abandon our cities, our computers, our writings and other forms of civilization and go live underwater or only with synthetic molecular whatevers. Still, my theory has one week spot. The internet. Being virtual the only way every information on it will be lost is for every possible server thing that generates and accesses it, disappears. Right? I will have to ask Mr. X about this. :x Ah, the night of the human civilization as we know it . To see that,,it would be special. That's my only regret for being mortal really. Not to get to see the distant far far future, our end.
It's been a very long time since it snowed so much in Bucharest. I was just talking to my friends that it feels good somehow. When we were little it seemed that it snowed all winter long. The last 10 years in was once a winter, at most.
Something feels special about this year.
Hey do you know how long it takes for a package to get from Easton, CT to Romania? Arghhhh :(
Pe vremea lui Ceausescu, iese un timbru cu Ceausescu. Se duce Ceausescu, deghizat, la un oficiu postal, sa vada cum se vinde timbrul. - Nu se vinde, spune functionarul. - De ce? - Nu se lipeste. Cere Ceausescu un timbru, scuipa pe lipici, il pune pe un plic si-i arata functionarului: - De ce spui ca nu se lipeste? Uite, se lipeste! - Da, spune functionarul, dar toti scuipa pe partea ailalta.
I can never tell a joke I have heard. Seriously, like this :
I can be funny, I think, you know, with irony or funny comments about something... Being funny is important. Aren't the most popular guys funny? Have you ever heard of a not funny jock? or prom king or something. Imagine the popular guy in high-school and he's totally serious. Like if you say something like this : How do a blonde's brain cells die? Alone. he's like : discrimination is wrong and dieing alone is not funny. Yeah...never gonna happen.
The title is not from the add . I was google-ing the word to see if I spelled it correctly. I only heard it once.
I have a hard exam on the way, my grandma is here for the week, I was very annoying today(sorry Mr X.) and I have no inspiration for the blog. Bollocks. Oh , and I froze my hiney on the way to and back from starbucks and I drove without my glasses. I know I know, should have warned you first so that you'd stay in the house. I felt a little like the guy in this campaign:
I am joking. I cold see very well, but I was still a bit stressed especially with such precious cargo. I like driving alone when I am at the wheel. And it's not a funny matter. A while back I was in a very bad accident. I would be dead if wasn't wearing my seat belt. And here's a cool add.
I have a comment on this (if you are underage please do not look at it//flattering myself, that I have readers I do not know. nvm// really! your parents might ban me. it's very very very very sad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56mBiSJhOHY . My comment is that no one will look at it thus makes it inefficient and useless. It makes me want to cry and I am very sure if the terrorists use it as torture to get information out of someone , that person will say anything just to not see this add again. I struggled though it out of professional curiosity, but I hope to never see it or remember it again.
Stereotype. I love it when self proclaimed cultivated people start talking about stereotypes, exclusively categorizing them "for simple people". Stereotype= a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group, like "women are shoppers", "men like football and hate shopping", the pitzipoanca, the geek, the cowboy etc etc. Even if the definition uses the term simplified that does not mean it is for simple people. Most of our knowledge is based on a stereotype. That is how the mind functions. The way a stereotype is formed is something like this: we gather some information about a thing A and store it and apply it to the similar things to thing A, thing A1, A2, A3....we don't rationalize much when we gather the information about thing A, as in "put a label on it" (we use other people's knowledge, mass media, advice or one single experience we had with that thing A), and we don't rationalize much when we think thing A1 is just like thing A. Of course we shouldn't judge people and base our actions on stereotypes, but stereotypes do not only refer to people and all that I am saying is the stereotype is more complicated by it's fantastic usage for our life than we can imagine. I am saying that when the self proclaimed intellectuals consider themselves above the stereotype they are in fact one and they do not have a clue about what it means. If we were to start from zero about every single person, object, phenomenon, action, thought we would go crazy and our heads would explode. We use the stereotypes because, like the Chinese, we have found our "thought vocabulary" to be to complicated to be learned and used functionally and with some profit. We had to simplify our rationalizations of the world around us and thus we invented stereotypes. The fact that when we think of leaves and wood when we hear the word tree is also a stereotype. It's a shortened way from the word tree which have a million species and a million components to some simple features: leaves, wood, green, simple things we process in a blink of an instant (whatever Mr X., the instant exists in our perceptions even if not in physics).
And for God's sake...stereotype that women shop. I have spent 6 hours in a mall after a man today, and I got so fantastically bored out of my mind(and I like shopping). In fact most of the men I know are crazy about shopping and no...they are not gay. Yes yes...another stereotype. Hey, most of them are right. That's why it's so fun when you find a so called exception...I found 3.
Another exception. I don't like black eyed pees or whatever their name is at all. Usually their music is dull, commercial and simple(bit, bum, ah, olala, uhuu, bit, over). But this song I like, most of it. It keeps singing in my head :
I saw Great Expectations again (the one with hawke and paltrow ) the other day.
I's hard to try to write something to you when all I am feeling right now are very personal things with no interest for strangers (in this case strangers mean anyone but myself)... a, I have a good one for Romanian readers. A story I read last night. Just LOVED IT ! It's really fun.
foame post coitum
tocmai ce ati terminat de facut amorul si n-ati stat mult la reveneala si lui ii e foame si chiar si tie ti-e foame de ce nu stiu poate ca te-a extenuat rau omul sau poate doar finca ai uitat sa mananci ceva azi si e simplu sa suni la o pizzerie dar ce te faci ca e doua noaptea si toate pizzeriile dorm asa ca pui mana si improvizezi mai intai te uiti in frigider si vezi ca e aproape gol bun te uiti in dulap si scoti doua farfurii patrate imaculate daca ai o frunza de salata te-ai scos o pui ornament pe farfurie si jumatate din problema e rezolvata acuma hai. sa vedem ce pui langa frunza aia amarata cazuta de pe sexul evei eu as sugera sa strecori un homar sau o stridie proaspat pescuita dar mai mult ca sigur ca ai uitat sa treci prin piata azi asa ca ne-ntoarcem la cruda realitate ce ai acolo in frigiderul aia pai doua oua o conserva de ton ia sapa tu si vezidaca nu-i un borcan cu capere pe undeva si poate ca in camara se ascunde si o conserva de porumb paine ai nu nu-i nimic oricum nu-ti trebuie poate gasesti vreo uscaciune de-aia care dureaza o luna de-aia plina de fibre acuma agita-te nu scoate mixerul ca n-ai ce face cu el mai mult mur-daresti ba mai faci si zgomot degeaba lasa-le toate pe masa si cauta o lumanare la lumina lumanarii toate par mai gustoase halal gospodina n-ai sort. pai nu exista gospodina fara sort: pune--ti sortul dar vezi sa nu mai ai altceva pe dedesubt ca nu da bine sper ca ti-ai facut exercitiile pentru fesieri o sa trebuiasca sa-i intorci de cateva ori spatele pana e papa gata dar asta e o delicatesa care face parte din meniu nu nu nu lasa trusa de machiaj pierzi timpul cu prostii si ce daca s-a scurs rimelul pe fata asa nu conteaza ai alta treaba acum in spatele tau e un om de grota caruia ii e foame daca nu-1 linistesti rapid pleaca si-si cauta alta grota bun hai sa vedem ce faci cu toate productele alea pe care le-ai insirat pe masa pai io de unde sa stiu ce-s bucatar n-am idee folosesteti si tu putin imaginatia baga-le una-ntr-alta vezi cum se pupa reciproc nu sta de pomana improvizeaza vezi ca ti-acazut o unghie falsa in amestecul ala incert hai misca-te odata da ai farmec nu-ti face probleme esti prea cerebrala uita prostiile pe care le-ai citit in revistele cu poze sau in cartile alea smechere aia sunt niste afaceristi care si-au luat banii si te-au lasat sa te descurci pe cont propriu e momentul sa te lasi dusa de val de val kilmer bineinteles nu te-ntoarce lasa-l pe om de grota sa vina sa observe ce faci tine-1 un pic in sah nu te speria ca n-o sa ragaie acum n-are cum e cu burta goala nu nu te opri nu e cel mai bun prilej sa-i ceri vreun sfat culinar si-asa om de grota nu stie nimic unul din cei doi neuroni i s-a potolit dupa ce a facut sex acuma ii urla celalalt in ureche vreau mancare vreau mancare nu te juca prea mult nu-1 lasa sa astepte e riscant hai fa un efort si inventeaza o bucata de carne ce-i aia mezel nu-i bun arunca-1 e expirat pute o sa-si dea seama da stiu ca ar manca orice dar nu merita sa risti de fapt n-o sa-si dea seama acuma ci mai tarziu cand o sa stea pe buda si o sa te-njure asa ca arunca imputiciunea aia la gunoi hai sa te vad cum inventezi o bucata de carne ca sa-i pui sub nas ia vezi in conge-lator nu nu te mai uita dureaza pana o bagi la defrost mai bine fugi pana in camara si vezi daca nu mai ai o conserve ceva e bun si pateu ce-ai gasit acolo mancare pentru catel e sigilata da bun inseamna ca-i ok da poti s-o folosesti dar pe sestache ca sa nu vada om de grota ce-i pui in farfurie la chestii de-astea e sensibil n-o sa recunoasca niciodata ca e un animal ce zic io un caine e mai sensibil decat el dar tu nu-i spune treaba asta ca nu-i convine bun acuma amesteca si tu carnea aia sau ce-o fi cu otet cu maglavais cu ce mai gasesti pune putina dragoste si-ti iese nu te speria vezi ca ai transpirat un pic stiu te-am cam haituit dar ce sa-ti fac ai vrut dragoste acuma descurca-te hai ca esti fata mare ma rog vorba vine vezi nu uita frunza aia de salata e vital amanuntul asta frunza aia arata foarte vulnerabila pe retina lui om de grota e praf in ochi dar functioneaza hai ca esti aproape gata sper ca ai pahare de vin cum de care de-alea tip balon doar nu vrei sa bei ca ghertoienii din borcane de muptar ia vezi unde-i vinul nu ma inte-reseaza il gasesti hai mai repede e un motiv-bun pentru om de grota sa nu se mai suie la volan dupa aia da-i sa desfaca el sticla ca sa-ti arate cat de usor o desface si cum ii joaca muschii si alea alea bun hai ca esti tare te-ai descurcat asaza-te uita-te in ochii lui esti incredibila unde vezi tu blan-dete in privirea aia a lui de cromagnon ma rog tu stii mai bine probabil ca au femeile prea multa imaginatie hai pofta buna.
florin piersic junior, opere cumplite , volumul I
o recomand ca lectura usoara. amuzanta. placuta. <3>
Drawing by Francesco Clemente
I waste my time believing in "meant to be"...I don't really believe I waste my time because I am in love with the idea. And it's easier actually to believe that some people are in your life because they are meant to be there and thus you can't loose them. But it has happened for me to believe totally in a "meant to be" and was cruelly proven wrong. I guess I don't really believe in it anymore. I keep looking at these old movies...and after I say "awwwww" I say to myself "and you really thought it was true...how naive you were...are?". It's not really bad because now I feel more empowered. There are no 3 old blind ladies knitting my life thread...it's only me. Just sometimes the lack of magic gets me down and that huge disappointment in the past makes me wonder if any of it is ever real or just a bunch of hormones and rational processes that keep two people together for a while. And real is the only wrong word. Real is the chemistry, unreal is the spiritual, the beyond human connection that I hope exists. I feel it when I am in love, that there is something more but I have reason to doubt it, because of rational reasons and pragmatic ones. This does not change the way I live my life, but it's important for me to have answers to questions...the TRUTH...it's so bloody complicated to ever know the truth , but like I believe in true love I believe in the ultimate truth. It must be out there somewhere and I have to find a way to get to it.
It's hard to write something relevant to you when I almost never leave the house and I spend my time with my nose trapped in books. The glorious season is upon me! As in exams time ! iupiiiiii
The only "intelligent" idea that I had today (which does not presume writing you a whole manual about social or political theory combined with history) is about a quote the teaches asked us to comment, paraphrased like this : mass-media is all-powerful because we make it all-powerful. So true...I was actually very bored. She could have gave us something less "yeah yeah, heard it before", but when I started writing I thought of something new. It's the spiral of silencetheory. Media feeds itself feeding the opinion of the majority, that opinion being that media has power or is wright or can do things we can't. In all fairness the media does have some things some people, as people outside the media don't have: the access to information, the channels to share it very very quickly and to many many people. Media give us the sensation that we're there, where the fire is, where the NATO meeting is or in a porn star's bedroom and we know she split up with her football player bf. Media mediates between us and that place we don't reach .The only bad thing is we sometimes live in the illusion that everything we are exposed to has importance to us...hey, they have to earn some bucks. War is such a mood killer and so is economy ..and culture...bleah, boring. Take me back to the porn star bedroom :D .
Please try to bare at least the first page. It's incredibly awesome.
While I am positively thrilled at the idea and it would make the world a whole lot more interesting for me, Mr X. , who approved his name...or so I think :s , is not that happy about this theory. Then it hit me. Why the hell would I be so glad to live in a hologram ? I think the first thing would be the fact that it mostly changes the perception for "down to earth" people. The ones that say : get a good job with good pay!, don't become a piano player cause you'll starve!, stop dreaming and start doing something practical!, wear a hat or you'll catch a cold! and so on and so forth. I am not shy to post blame or to admit that I can be influenced so I say to you that if the "climate" in this country would have been different and if people around me wouldn't have implanted the idea that I should choose something that will give me some steady money I would be very different today(not much, but at least steady which is even worse.what about reaching for the stars?). Telling everyone of those people : you live in a hologram and all that furniture, all that steady money, all that you built with rules and rational sacrifice is a hologram would give me a huge satisfaction...especially because I know what it could mean to them since I slipped in a niche and chose to study something that helps me look in their heads...not so sure about the steady money though :D And this hologram thing would be another confirmation to the fact that things only have the value that we give them !
a sea shell ring can be more valuable than a million diamonds...
Yup, physics and "dear diary" for today. I like to mix it up.
Went dancing last nigh with Mr. X and I loved it. Since I was a little sick and tired I decided not to drink alcohol because one of the following would happen. My balance would be not so good and I like dancing, not mopping the floor or I would simply fall asleep. Thus, I continued my list of "inappropriate things to drink in pubs/clubs at 1 am". Starting with the hot chocolate in "Motoare" ( place with benches not chairs where people drink beer...almost exclusively) and ending with green tea in B52 (a club known for it's crowded nights and huge glasses of gin, whiskey and so on). It was fun to see Mr. X make the journey from the bar to our table with a glass of hot water and a little plate with honey and a tea bag. The club was full. The green tea also made me more observant to the transformation of the people around me. I noticed this "soon to be" couple. A skinny short haired hyperactive girl was trying to get noticed by her boy friend (they came together in a group). At the beginning of the night she was showing off all her dance moves, but he was mostly "yeah whatever" and was not moving to much. He seemed embarrassed by his hyperactive partner and quickly gave up and sat down. At 2 am, after what I suspect to be many many beers he was dancing like crazy and he ended up kissing the girl like he was going to eat her face (his initiative! I was unfortunate enough to turn my head at the exact moment). You must think I am crazy, but it was really hard to ignore all these things. They were right next to us, first the hyper girl was a funny sight and then he was jumping and dancing like a monkey. Besides...it took Mr. X a long of time to go buy me the teas (I drank two. I can hold my tea =)) ) After what I saw last night plus things I've heard from friends etc etc mostly everyone hooks up while drunk (ages 14-25). Now I am not an old lady, but if you don't have the guts to ask her/him out while you are awake what makes you think it will work or even that you care that much. It also works the other way around. If he/she does not seem to like you much while he/she is sober why do you settle for "drunk out of my head you seem good enough"?..and sometimes people who don't even like each other end up making out. I guess the next day is very important, but I figure many relationships just continue by the golden rule "go with the flow", without much to do about how/why they start.
I bet he'll say something about me calling him Mr. X ;))
we have sooo many choices today. we are bombarded with hyper stores and malls ...and we can choose from so many types of clothes, music, yogurts...we can choose the little things, but the big picture looks different. we are manipulated into getting into wars, manipulated to vote for someone, we watch the same news and movies. all these little choices we are "free" to make just make us one more in 6 billion. we are a lot less free than we imagine. we should at least abandon the illusion and know that most of what we think was intentionally put there in your head.
I found myself yesterday giving a reason to why I took a certain photo that I submitted on dev and it got me thinking. I usually try to give a reason to people for , indulge me*, my art. And I got to the conclusion that I am right in doing so.
Art is selfish, one of the most selfish things in the world. I believe that the artist must be totally himself and introverted when he creates. It's his choice and his idea. If he thinks about "what do people want to see in this?" that's not art, that's guessing. So the art is first for yourself, your way of expressing what you have in yourself. But when I choose to share it I think that you should have a reason. You don't share your art just like that. You have a reason : I think it makes people happy, I think it helps people, I think it enriches people's lives, I have a message to transmit to the world etc. (if your reason is to be popular...or make money...your business) I think that is why I give "excuses". I give a frame of reference or an idea of what was in my head to the ones that waste their time to see what my head composed ...maybe it also has to do with the fact that I don't know which one I love most: word or image. <3
Took this photo o the 1st oh January. The fist day of the year was really really foggy . Found that interesting. I wrote something last night. I have a high opinion about love, thinking that true love is based on a deep connection/magic and not anyone can fit the role of "the other half" ...or maybe that is just the easy way. Is anything harder than a relationship? And I am talking about two people who actually care about one another and what the other one wants. Not even twins know everything that will completly please the other one, or think the same way, or think about the same things and they have a lot of advantages : same DNA+ same memories, similar up-bringing(aka same values imprinted by their parents etc) => similar brain=>similar thoughts => similar desires. Imagine two people who grew up in different lives, with different opinions and thoughts. How can those people live together without serious compromise which leads to hating themselves and eventually each other and, hence, they break up? Yeah, the person who wrote the thing about true love wrote the part about hating each other. What I wrote last night was: I am stupid for believing this, but it's probably the only kind of magic I do believe in .... I call it magic because I have no idea how it works and all I can do is love and have faith...and the other "normal" things like look nice :P and listen.
Found norah jones with nightingale but it's too mushy with the text. The sweetsness makes me nauseous . So I chose a more...different song. :P
It's not exclusive for when I am feverish, but I feel like every detail is sharper. Every sound, every movement, every source of light, every touch, every smell... It's a nice time to be creative or just contemplate whatever I feel like. I have no issue to take on today, at least not with how I'm feeling. Legalizing prostitution or relationships will have to wait another day. Right now I like how my skin looks under the light from someone's laptop and my blue nails trick me into thinking a dead person is writing for me. I love this nail polish, it being so fake makes me feel so real. I find it interesting that sound is like air. You can't see it but it's there and it's like it floats in the air and surrounds you. We live in a sea of sound. No wonder we sometimes feel like we're drowning.
Sometimes it seems that the world is made to make you bend and reshape.
To say that adopting someone's ideas is bad is hypocritical. We all function with ideas, stereotypes and ways of interpreting that we learn from other people(from parents to Tv and friends). The way we understand good and evil is taught. We are , unfortunately, not tigers or dogs. We do no have hereditary rules to help us survive. We learn almost everything about the world around us, we are born only with the capacity to learn and understand abstract things. I said all this because I wanted to get here. I am afraid to say something to the idiot that plays his manele songs loudly on the bus, I am afraid to kick him in the nuts when he grabs my ass on the street...and although the pain in my years or the extensive showers I take hurt me physically life is full of things like that, a simple example is when we are cold or too hot...but the difference is that when I an forced to listen to something I don't want to or be touched inappropriately I see a lack of regard towards my values and even worse...by being afraid I admit that my values mean very little to those around me and I am incapable of defending them or myself. My examples are girly and very small (I have more important ones but they are very long), nevertheless I am sure that a guy has found himself in a situation where his values are being dragged to the mud and being in minority he is forced to take it. Minority and majority...that is not the issue really. The issue is silence. Silence from the ones that think that if they are quiet enough life will spare them from unpleasant things. They are wrong.
Growing up is finding out the answers to the questions you ask when you're a kid. From "where do babies come from?" to "why is the sky blue?"...thought of that because I found out today why the sky is blue. You ask these questions but then you are most likely to forget them because they seem useless or "childish"(and are unlikely to be related to your job or studies), but I feel quite accomplished when I realize that I finally got my answer. It's like for a split second, the kid that I was is so happy. I really don't know how my parents could stand to be around me. I was one of those kids that asked "why" about 1 million times a day. Imagine how many more questions I have =)) I have my work cut out for me.
Oh gosh!I just remembered that my next assignment for school is to explain a concept I barely understand to a 10 year old child. That should be one smart kid.
I got home yesterday and I just loved how my hose looked. Don't imagine some fancy interior design. It was a real mess. My cat was depressed and non stop miau-ing because she was left alone with only a few moments of human contact when she got fed. Boots and shoes near the door, clothes thrown on chairs and on the bed in the bedrooms, an empty kitchen with a few dirty dishes in the sink and if you opened the fridge it was a sad landscape...empty except for some lemons and a ketchup bottle. And I loved it. I was away for almost two weeks. Christmas with grandma and grandpa ...by force, they tied me up in the house!!!!! Thank God for internet mobile that makes life bearable. Then, with the New Year Holidays I was away again for the rest of my short and very busy vacation.
My point is that living alone is fantastic and every human being should live alone a period of their life.
I can't remember where I heard it but there is on hypothesis about why women take so much from their spouse ( domestic violence cheating, being the one who listens to his rules etc). The premises are that not most women live alone. They marry young and until they do they live with their parents, then they move to the husband's house or with them somewhere and it's just another version of living with your parents. Really, it's the same principle with animals who have always lived in a zoo. It is supposed that they can't adapt fast enough in the wild. Those women, if they were to divorce/leave the man, would have to live alone and do everything themselves. It took me four months to get the hand of paying all my bills, learning where, remembering to shop, to clean, to feed me and my cat and it gets harder everyday somehow. I have to balance that with going to school and seeing my mom and my bf and my friends etc etc.
But I love it. I have my rules and I know that I can manage on my own.
