Getting involved

Sometimes I have felt the urge to speak about social/political matters from my country and I have drowned it. I guess my way of getting involved is trying to make people think and nothing else. When I find myself in the middle of a discussion about politics or our social issues I am never a partisan to one side or another. Firstly , because I know I do not know everything and far less than many because I have no interest for the time being, secondly because I know I have a narrow view as an individual. As an example, Mr X liked a certain candidate at some time and was more than keen on him winning. But Mrs Fanny, whom is one of the most important people for me, hated that candidate. The both of then were bombarding me with opinions, so that I really didn't know what to think since I respected them both and valued their thoughts. So what I did was annoy them =))...with questions and arguments. The argument I got from one I put up against the ones from the other. Of course, no one won, but I got to the point where I understood they both have true and false arguments and their choice was dictated mostly by their social indicators (from age to money, social group, upbringing etc etc). Of course, you may think I am completely condescending and snob and why the hell am I not influenced by those indicators. I am, but I can recognize them and thus I can set them aside and try to get to...yeeees, you guessed it, logics and truth, my two favourite lovers. :D I hope that what I managed to do at that time was make them think form a different view. That's all about politics. If I ever were to start getting involved at another level in society I certainly wouldn't start with politics, because I find it less than a sckeleton in our country. I find that politicians have the most narrow views I have ever heard, read, saw ever and that just scares me. The ONG's, the charities, the independent projects...those are the places where you can actually do things. Well..that's my opinion.

Yevgeny Khaldei

O_O holly ...

hihi, the song is ironic because that guy is Stalin



When you have no inspiration
And the hour's late
You just give'em a quotation
To avoid the hate

"At first she didn't want to, because she had her lipstick on and all, but I was being seductive as hell and she didn't have any alternative"- Salinger, "The Catcher in the Rye"

Assisted by Ms. CerealKiller <3


Just a thought

Between Truth and Beauty, Beauty will win in fans. All creatures like Beauty...yet so many have no value for Truth.
It might seem we are comparing apples to pears...then again, they are both fruit from trees, sweet or less, to be eaten.

I've heard bit of a song I like a lot and remembered these songs. And in the photo...that's the dark side of the moon.

The "Bad" Words

If to swear would cost money we would all be penniless.
God, I love to swear sometimes. :)) It makes me feel like a grown-up...which is funny cause grown-ups don't like to swear near the kids so why do we think swearing is grown-up-ish if they don't swear. It's other kids that swear...and from them I learned, really. So...Bloody Hell! I feel 30!


cosmin bumbut

My quitar player


Peter Turnley

The car and the girl

Smashed in a million pieces. They both have the same side of their face bruised and bleeding. ...and time goes on... She hates her new car. But not the car, she hates herself in the new car, the new car is lovely and nice, but they don't go together. The new car is heavier and with a smaller view of the world. The lady-bug, the car, the one with the scars always knew and always protected.
Attachment is more dangerous than anything, attachment to living or dead, attachment to real or dream, attachment to future or past.

a photo from before anything happened



...Tu sçais que les rayons de lumière réfléchis des différents corps, font tableau, et peignent ces corps sur toutes les surfaces polies, sur la rétine de l’oeil, par exemple, sur l’eau, sur les glaces. Les esprits élémentaires ont cherché à fixer ces images passagères; ils ont composé une matière très-subtile, très-visqueuse et très-promte à se dessècher et à se durcir, au moyen de laquelle un tableau est fait en un clin d’oeil. Ils enduisent de cette matière une pièce de toile, et la présentent aux objects qu’ils veulent peindre. La premiere effet de la toile, est celui du miroir; on y voit tous les corps voisins et éloignés, dont la lumière peut apporter l’image. Mais, ce qu’une glace ne sçauroit faire, la toile, au moyen de son enduit visqueux, retient les simulacres. Le miroir vous rend fidélement les objets, mais n’en garde aucun; nos toiles ne rendent pas moins fidélement, et les gardent tous. Cette impression des images est l’affaire du premier instant où la toile les reçoit: on l’ôte fur le champ, on la place dans un endroit obscure; une heure apré, l’enduit est desséché, et vous aves un tableau d’autant plus précieux, qu’aucun art ne peut en imiter la vérité, et que le temps ne peut en aucune maniére l’endommager.

Giphantie, Tiphaigne de la Roche, 1760

The moment immortalized by the first photograph was in summer 1827, the author/inventor was Joseph Nicephore Niépce, 67 years after de la Roche's novel was published.
“You know, that rays of light reflected from different bodies form pictures, paint the image reflected on all polished surfaces, for example, on the retina of the eye, on water, and on glass. The spirits have sought to fix these fleeting images; they have made a subtle matter by means of which a picture is formed in the twinkling of an eye. They coat a piece of canvas with this matter, and place it in front of the object to be taken. The first effect of this cloth is similar to that of a mirror, but by means of its viscous nature the prepared canvas, as is not the case with the mirror, retains a fac-simile of the image. The mirror represents images faithfully, but retains none; our canvas reflects them no less faithfully, but retains them all. This impression of the image is instantaneous. The canvas is then removed and deposited in a dark place. An hour later the impression is dry, and you have a picture the more precious in that no art can imitate its truthfulness.”

It's funny he thought of photography before it was possible.

first photo ever


Love saves us all

At the beginning (and all through since then ) I've tried to be as general as possible or lyrical when I couldn't be general thus being general by leaving you to interpret how you want. But I find it harder and harder to extend that experience to the world's. We all live in the personal.

From what I recall, I've analyzed little ideas I have about love or relationships, but I never said: "Thank God!" for it. Well...here you go. I would be an empty bucket without it. And I am not talking only about romantic love. It only just hit me today that I love my friends. I really do. I mean I took it as a guarantee that I love my family, my friends, my cat, things that seem normal, but you don't think about it. I realized today, as I was parting with a friend that I miss her when I don't see her and the fact that we will soon graduate and be harder to see each other actually hurts me. When you're younger most relationships are like a given. You see your parents which arrange to see other relatives, you see your friends at school or spare time (most times meeting is easy or spontaneous). Then the environment changes, but your friends do not. Then you move somewhere without your parents and you have to set appointments with your own mom. I find that hard and new. I have to call, arrange, switch and juggle with stuff to see everyone I want to see: highschool friends, parents, relatives. Love gives me continuity. If you didn't love someone why would you continue to see that person? I stay connected to people I truly love and have a connection with. Sometimes I love a person, but the connection is broken or never existed both ways so I just leave it behind....like if I were a bus. Some people get of at some stations, but some are the ones who stick further down the road. I have no answer about who is the driver, since I am the bus I cannot be the driver. Maybe my ideal self I carry around with me...or even more than that I think it's the person I was a second ago, no, a second ago, yes that this second :D. The person I am the next second lives the life the me now made. We practically all decide our future, but not our present, speaking of course in terms of small small small pieces of time. I have it when people speak about the present as a day or week or even year. That is so stupid. They just got used to constancy. If I were to take physics the instant doesn't even exist so there would be no present at all. :)) Anyway I heard a very long time ago a theory about how lifeless things have memory. As in anything, I believe the example I read was a rock and that things that happen around it, to it, "tattoo" stuff on it's memory. I do think it's probably non-sense and I must have dreamed it or something, but in some way maybe it's possible.Everything is a change of a state: changes in temperature, shape, collisions. Every type of phenomenon is nothing else but a change and that should affect everything that it touches. When we move we move the air around, we emanate heat, we give electricity and maybe that rock next to your feet alters itself because of those changes and maybe it will remember. Maybe everything is a little hard drive and in the same time everything is information. I mean you can write on anything You can write in air with smoke or spray or stuff, on walls, on rocks, on ice, on skin, on cheesecake, on plastic, on metals, on hair, on sand, on snow, you name it. Imagine all the information you get from a kiss.I can't help but think that. All that exchange of temperature, pressure, chemicals, electrons. Like woau! My cheek just feels so much more intelligent now. ;))

the first thing I noticed in the room. the colors are tattooed in my head.


All about Eve

I've noticed that I mosty post old songs. I can't explain why.

Love this song.

Few things seem as creepy as someone wanting your life and out to get it. It's not the enormous envy and lies that give me the hebegebees, the worst part is that you can be left without it, displaced and forced to watch someone else almost in your body, but fake.


The phantom limb

open door, afraid of dark, 23.23, have about 5 minutes for research, browsing, google, enter, reading, oh wait, he licked on my glasses, nevermind, powering though, got it.

the mood

the words

I think the phanom limb sensation can be experienced in the heart and I am not referring to a missing ventricle. I miss or suffer over the parts that I've lost, sometimes feeling crippled, sometimes forgetting they're not there, sometimes thinking they still exist.

I "love" the treatment I am reading right now :
drugs, an electrical stimulator, vibration therapy, acupuncture, hypnosis, biofeedback thinking that the pain can sometimes be helped by keeping busy and focusing attention on something else, preoperative pain management, artificial visual feedback like the mirror box and the new immersive virtual reality.

Yup. They would work on missing heart parts.

the image


Dusty fingers

She sneazes. He looks away from the huge computer screens, smiles a bit but leaves her alone and returns to his business....

Dust from books makes my hands grey and my nose sneeze, but it's like cocaine for my mind.

I saw "An education" . Don't really know if I like it or not, but I guess it's as contemporay as possible really.


A little boy with a new toy

...that is humanity

I see the two of them in a club. He orders coffee, she orders lemonade.
The action that takes most of their time is looking into their phone screens.

I see a person on the subway. The person sits down and around that person all the men are playing pool on their phone, all the women text or talk on the phone.

The best is when a bus or subway just leaves and the ones unlucky enough to miss it, after the moment of gosh, darn it, they pick a comfortable spot and take out their peaces of technology and start pushing buttons or touching screens.

This consumerism is greater than I ever imagined.



Sometimes I am not generous enough to look at people. I choose random lifeless things to look at when going to the subway, on the subway, on the street, at school, on the subway again, on the street going home. It's exhausting to look at humans. In any case, I'd rather have my third eye between us.


Adventures in Lomo nr 4

The multiple-exposure
in the day



Adventures in Lomo nr 3

The multiple-exposure
with flash

Love it.


Adventures in Lomo nr. 2

The colors


The actual world seems less real in colors. Yesterday, a girl was wearing shoes that looked like this . :)) The very same color !

so far away from myself I don't hear the wind whisper or the silence singing or the dreams drowning in the cold sun or touching trembling or the writing wincing on his skin and I don't see the lenses love the light and blinded by the flash of a moment I lack significance in single drop of water wondering around the universe


Adventures in Lomo nr.1

The flash

It seems small yet angry sometimes.

Notice the burned kitty, but then the missing arm and then..well.....sometimes I forget to turn it on :D

The cam is small and really light. Some think it's a toy so there's no harm, some think it's cool thus they like the attention.
Except for my first cam I choose them all based on intuition. I just felt that that cam is for me right then. Ah, my first cam... I am going to find Sisu right now. Bye.

some tralala song


I stopped on the verse : How do you turn what was savage tame? Love it.

I like the metaphor in "Up in the air" (movie, you should see it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha2_W3EYws0 (bare through that girl's talking and you see the idea with the backpack). He is right. Yet we do otherwise. I take great offense in being called a shark, I beg your pardon! :p

I can't even grasp the size of this concept, love. I wrote about half a page here and then I deleted it because it was a false problem. How beautifully Mencken says it : Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Yes, it sounds lovely, until you realize what he is saying is love is not true, it's imagination. I feel as if I am being attacked on all sides. In discussions, from books, I see more and more that what we desire and believe are just bits and peaces we collect from around us. If I ask this : Who were the first people to be in love, what could you tell me? It's impossible to know. It's impossible to prove. We see love only as a manifestation and not as the essence. And we learn it , again, from manifestations. I even hate the idea that we learn how to love and not just feel it. But it's hard to argue with Ms HI when she says that our idea of love is taken from what we see, because I have no proof to show that it's real. It's like trying to prove people have souls. Of course, you need a soul to be truly in love...
I know how life works, I know what pragmatism is and I agree with it. Yet, I can't help, but believe there is something more to me that flesh and bones, and there is more to a couple than chemicals reacting in the brain.
The bad thing is even these ideas can be just things that happened to stick to me, that fit that little model in my head that was formed as I evolved. How much do we think for ourselves really? What opinion is ours , since we judge things based on "ancient" values and information we gathered up starting form the time we were crawling around the house, back then when we didn't really know how to filter information. I am actually scared of what I am saying. I find it troubling that no one starts from zero. We are born in a world with opinions on anything already spoken. We find them and we choose one basically, no matter what you say. It's great we have a choice....but I would like to be the creator of my life and not the society I was born in which offers me different layouts, like freaking hi5


Study Study Study...and coffee

thank you for the link

Work is piling up as usual


When you're grey, there's a way

I have one roll of film. Let's see what the little pink box produces.

So...Here I am. Life in Lomo. New adventures.
First I scared my colleague, Mr Hair. The pink shinny little thing was to much for him...especially with her big pink eye. I photographed him. His hair will be even crispier with this little girl's apperture.
Froze my ass of today and lost a button from my favourite coat. If anyone sees a black fancy button with 4 holes around Piata Romana, Bucharest, please tell me. But I also finished my first film with Lola(=the cam. all my cams have names). I photographed Mr X a lot.

Curious to see myself on a 170* something lens =))

It's Marchuary, uhuuuuuu!

I love the avatars my friends have on messenger.

It's March, but the snow is half a meter.

We all set aside our boots and furry jackets, we got out our sports shoes and delicate footwear...and then it snowed.....for 3 days. =))

The funny things about the avatar pictures is that they are all from the seaside =)) I see my friends in their bathing suits, getting fried under the sun and then I see outside the window how the white snow is pilling up.

Which brings me to my next problem. Storing digital photos. A couple of months ago when my computer died I thought I had lost all the information I had on it. I managed to save it, but I cried for a day. The thing is all my photos from that year were there. I could have lost them all. And this is my problem, the lack of actual materiality of the photos. I have glossy-papered images with my mom as a kid. They remain. The digital ones seem so easy to loose, forget about or ignore. My big problem now is that my (new) computer is already full so I have to debark some of them. DVDs? External Hard? Grrrrrr It is so frustrating!!! And these dvds are not safe enough for me, they age which means they might not work, they don't leave a charming vignette effect or a little yellow allure of times-passed.


Why we are human

Because we use wood knives to open a letter.


Why we need the internet

as putea sa bat covoare

The internet is just lovely. I love it. I now officially need my "alter ego" list (see right) to keep track of all the sites I have accounts on. Isn't it lovely?
Yes, the Thumblr is new. I made it to follow a friend, Fluffy Cute Pink Bear, but I just couldn't let the page empty and sad so ...I had to pick a layout, a photo etc and I will probably post in it cause the photos look nice there. When? I don't know. That's the beauty of it. If we spend half the time of doing things that are new media-ish doing something more....hmm, and the word "meaningful" comes to mind.
It's stupid to say that "omg you waste your time on sites". First, it's away of recreation, second, it's not a complete waste of time. I communicate to people (I indeed know cause I don't have strangers as amigos on any of these things). I can't call them up all day and tell them my cat was in the washing machine . It's stupid. But I can facebook about it and they will smile when they get home and drink juice, watch a tv show and surf on their laptop.
There is a very academic discussion about new media and our desire for immediacy (google it, but it basically means what is sounds like). Indeed these sites are hypermediated(mixture of more than one media thing like computer graphics plus video plus photo etc), but they satisfy our desire for immediacy. That's the beauty of new media and not the remediation (using old ways like photography, incorporate them in new things like web pages, and there you go, online album). It's the speed of new media devices that encourages their consumption and that's why I love the internet. it's fast, it's there, it makes a lot of things be there. Besides, I am pretty proud that we are like in the top 5 countries as internet speed. Who would have guessed?
(I will check, but a teacher told us that)

Speaking of making things available:

=)) Why the hell (pardon the familiarity) do we shave our legs anymore if we are to wear some other creature's hair on them?
The idea belongs to Ms. CerealKiller, who graciously lets me post it.

Fuck woman's day

Because it is useless. I can understand it's purpose for a kindergarten class to make the kids do pretty drawings of their moms or whatever, but why the hell do I need a day when women should get flowers and good treatment? What about the rest of the fucking year. I am FOR SURE not the first or the last to say this and it goes for Valentine's Day, Christmas etc etc etc Apart from the fact that it's just business I personally don't like the idea that I share "my" day with the rest of "my kind". What the hell is that? The only difference today between me and the nest girl is that maybe I get violets and she gets roses. NO NO. Not good enough. Yet another way in which mankind imposes mass-conformism. And if a poor man forgets he's basically crucified.

No, I am not alone and ugly, writing in my pajamas an eating ice-cream. I got flowers and kisses and hugs today and I am good-looking .
Yes, I am a bit annoyed about something personal, but that doesn't mean I am not right.

listen to your thoughts this time

At concert


The Gaze

Looking into my kitty's eyes and thinking she is a person. But it's very clear that she doesn't know concepts/words like "telepathy" or "non-verbal communication" or "meaning". Still that doesn't mean there isn't some kind of understanding between us. She can tell whether I am angry or not, or if I want her to come sit near me or to stop scratching the bloody bed. What I don't really understand about her is what the hell does she see and understand while looking out the window. She can just sit there quietly and sometimes she is angry at someone/something and she growls like there's a dog there. Looking in her eyes is sometimes like looking at some pretty grass marbles.
Of course it's not about her only. We all think that we have at least a couple of people we can "look in the eye" and know what they're thinking. I think that is totally false. The eyes have nothing to do with it. We read non-verbal signs, we judge on past behavior or actions, we maybe guess. It's funny because when I imagine this saying "I look him in the eye" I imagine the eyes becoming transparent and we see directly in someone's brain. Ah, but the brain is soo damn far. Everything we say is processed, even if just in the millionth of the second in which we choose the words from our "dictionary". I am feeling very apocalyptical in regards to communication. It's easier to make people buy, to make people kill, to make people sell or watch something, to make them do anything than make someone understand what you are really thinking. It's the individual that is harder to open up and understand than a mass of people, especially on random little things...but at the end those are the intimate things that represent the glue between two peers or , if not understood, they can be the crack that makes the dam fall and the valley flooded.
We are our greatest manipulator. We feed on these apparently simple things like If I look him /her in the eyes I'll know if he/she's telling the truth/ is angry or not/ loves me or not/ likes me or not etc
Ah, and the little idealist in my head pokes my brain and says : yes, but there is trust. Such a fantastic concept, trust. Apart from the fact that I consider all faith, including in God a kind of trust, it's unbelievable that we can choose to believe something that we have no evidence of, based on trust (words are methods for gaining trust, not evidence). It's easier to be loved than trusted....actually, anything is easier than that, both getting it and giving it.
I trust in a lot of things to be honest, but I base my feeling on...God knows what. Definitely not on a look.

I do love the song
for X

The power of send

...Va multumim ca ati apelat serviciul Enel tel... zdrang

I wrote the damn paper for a week now. It was all I did at home but my grandmother reminded me that I have to give a customer index to the stupid electrical company which doesn't register the real quantity, they approximate a huge quantity and make you pay for it (it will get read for real, but every couple of months and you have the money blocked in heir accounts 'till then). I sent that index a few minutes ago =)). Thank God for the robots.

But this is not what I want to say...I was just thinking about the power of send. Messenger, mail, sms. Not once that I got mad or got sentimental and wrote a long or at least significant message, but when I had to press send I rationalized. You may think it's normal, but where was my brain when I wrote the message? It's not that I lack the courage because I send it most of the time, but it's like the really important moment is not when you get the response, but when you get the guts to press send and unleash your thoughts into the world.
I don't like that. It's this attitude that says " I said it, fuck it" that bothers me...and I am apart of it.

Very tired. I am sorry if I am talking nonsense.

Another piece of gold. I have a stash. ...hope someone doesn't sue me :( I mean no harm.
william klein



I remembered 3 times before midnight, but I was always in the middle of a sentence (in reading and writting the damn paper so it wa the classic idea of "I'll write in 5 minutes" )

Such pressure and mental discomfort. It's almost not worth it.

Hope I don't bore you to death. The least I can do is post an amaizing picture.

Photo by Atget. This wiki is kinda shit. I'll write more about him when I have time.

If I haven't posted it yet and even if I did. LOOOOL

Before photographers were struggleing to be artists. Now we make videos whether Nikon or Canon are better.

The burden

I wonder how life would feel if I knew I could enjoy every moment. Really, I mean knowing I will never be unhappy, never be pressured or have to do something hard or unpleasant etc. Would that make my brain atrophy?

I don't mean relaxing cause there is always jumping from an airplane (with a parachute :P), I just mean being free absolutely and knowing nothing bad will happen. Isn't it sad that I can't really believe in a world like that?
It's not the ifs, it's the certainty that bad things do happen and freedom is limited because of bad people or legal/social rules or just nature. I am not talking about flying without a plane or being a mermaid, I mean going through life dodging every bullet and knowing in advance you will so you don't even feel fear and stress. Without the question of consequence, example if I do something bad that brings me pleasure I am no punished because I have to be happy,cause I think I would not to something bad, ah and everything would just be arranged like for example if I love someone that person is really for me, life doesn’t take him away from Z to give him to me so as to be happy to keep the “
rule”. Hmm…then that means that I don’t work or earn everything actually because even if I sit on my ass all day I would still feel happy etc in keen with the pre arranged option “never be unhappy, never be pressured or have to do something hard or unpleasant etc.” So it’s not possible. At least not without the unknowing part. It’s possible for you to work and get everything and be happy, but you still need to work for it cause you don’t know it will just drop in your lap.


And don’t mind me. I am going a little crazy.

published at 00.00 =)) pfiu!



23.55 and I just remembered.

I have so many things to do I forget about myself...completely.


Silence can dance


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