The Eve before the rest of...

dunno yet actually.




My photography is suffering terribly. Except my work and a few lomos which I have not developed or have been developed badly (and will be sent back to the drawing board) I am totally dry. I hate these kind of days. It's clear I'm not happy or totally between any kind of state of mind when I am not shooting.


Live like you mean it

" 'Live like there is no tomorrow!' What a joke! That phrase exists only because we never live like that, like there is no tomorrow. We never live like we mean it. We make priority lists, we memorize our duties and, ultimately, we end up living like we imagine we should, like we end up, like others mean us to..." and she closed the blue notebook with a bang. What if she is only selfish? Yeah, like when she bought this notebook. She spent a lot of money on it, with it's painted covers, so beautiful. She feels like one of those painters who sleep with their models saying 'in order to create beauty I must be surrounded by it' blurring the line between I paint for art-I paint to get laid. "Eugh", she thinks. But she better not fall into these discussions. She has a challenge to win and it implies no sleep and lots of dancing.
" 'Boooy one day you'll be a...' man", she whispers with the song. His beer bottle shivers on the sound box and the lights dance on the surface of the liquid inside it, just like her nerves. He couldn't be further away than right there, in front of her, because it's like the first time she sees him, now that she must prepare to say goodbye.
" 'Smile like you mean it' ...like live you f****** mean it". And her breath stopped...and then life was meant to be lived...one kiss at a time.
On the night she should have lived to get to tomorrow, she found herself ignoring that next day. Still, the problem with stealing a moment in time is exactly that. It's only a moment.
The sun is rising. She won the challenge and stayed up until the morning, but she is a thief, she is selfish, she is still singing.

While browsing for the song this caught my eye. Duuuuuude!

The last mohicans

5 am. party yesterday continued 'till today

Ms CerealKiller and I said we were going to stay 'till the metro started in the morning, no matter what, and hell yeah, we danced until 5 (well...me at least :P).

Could you help me out with this? >>> Sustine Licenta Inei

I hate these TV's in the metro...or maybe hate is not the word. It's some kind of rejection.
For example, two days ago, I was waiting on the platform and every 8-10 meters or so there are some flat screens. Around and under them, 2-3 meters were empty, like there was toxic waste on that part of the platform, because people were sitting further away so as to stare at the screens. It was....like a sociological experiment. It also keeps people standing still. They sit and watch, making that a way of life.
Dunno...since I saw them the first time I just felt like "eugh, not here tooooo".


The Youth of Kamiya Etsuko

searching about it on the internet I came across something that sounded like this:
...it lacks any artificial help from a soundtrack to reveal the sadness...

What socked me about this movies, except it's gentleness which I consider a result of the culture that has produced the movie, was the moment Kamiya was crying in the kitchen. It was one of those moments when your mouth is smiling, like really really smiling. I was thinking that it's funny. The way she cried seemed like a child that was too nice and naive. That's the way the women behaved through the whole movie. So it was funny really.
But my eyes were filling up with water and it was one of those moments when you fought not to cry. I saw myself made out of 3 people. One was smiling and saying "dude, this is funny", one was crying and feeling pain like crazy, and the last, the most detached one, was analysing what was happening to the other two.
She was crying because the man she, as we understand, loved, was going to war, as a kamikaze. Instead of going after him on the road and maybe stealing one moment of truthful acknowledged love she goes in the kitchen and cries. I think it was not only the loss. It was the loss and the fact that she couldn't do anything to change the situation. She couldn't even go after him. It would only mean she had more to lose. Feeling powerless against war is only a metaphor for being powerless against our own rules or pride or society.



old Fed photo of my desktop

woooo wooo wooouooooo



When I feel a million years of age
I rest my thoughts on that white page
That seems to say more than a lot,
That seems to have more than I got,
The story meant to not be told,
The truth I have yet to unfold.


Where I want to live



And then it was ...

Gorgeous :D

cause women wear pants


Page from the pink notebook

Yesterday...no , today, a little after 00 am

Human worth. That's what Mammoth is about. The same (most expensive) pen (in the world, made out of mammoth ivory) is worth than 30$ or less in another context... And the end is shocking...the western family seems left untouched while the others fall apart and build themselves again.
I was laughing today in the subway. I saw how ridiculous human clothes are. It's amazing, because it's not about covering our nakedness. It's about pushing up, down, tightening, shoving and stretching stuff. We stick our bodies in these moulds. I got started with this because of the disappointment with Sex&The City and because I was so obsessed with clothes for a few..many weeks.
But i also believe that nothing is meaningless. A bad movie, something stupid you buy, some conversation you have about chiskens or anything. Nothing is meaningless. You might just have a good idea while discussing flavours of gum.


I have really crawled up the stairs in my building today. chill and sleep...After all, tomorrow is another day.

I belong

At some point you want to be possessed and owned like a crayon, to be kept all little in a pocket and carried around, in the dark and hidden, but loved as the hand strokes you when no one is paying attention. It's warm and the sounds seem distant and large in that pocket.

The play I was talking about yesterday.

I want to be kept in his pocket

Tomorrow I will hopefully finish a new Lomo film during us girls' evening out :D Uhuu !





I've spent most of today browsing the internet...yes, I am ashamed of it but eh. Through one of those infinite chains of links (looking for that, aww that's interesting, click that, then that then...that) I came across this "old" series. I said to myself I have to have them all in one place and stare at them when I want to. The first 3-4 are the top, the rest are random.
I reaaaaaaaly disagree with the Aladdin portrayal! First of all because it always seemed to me that Aladdin and the Princess were young and that is reflected in their actions. Those "old" guys are definitely not good for this. Such a big NONO!
Since David is not naked he is not fun :| and terribly unconvincing. I am surprised Annie released that photo. The same with the Arthur photo. I don't even understand who that is.

The photos which actually are based on surprising choices are nice. Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland are wonderful.

And an indie song to seal the deal.
Tomorrow, hopefully will be about photos from a play I am very excited to see.



Et toi dans mon lit
Doux présent du présent
Fraîcheur de la nuit
Chaleur de ma vie.

pour Monsieur X.

(dans les mots du Jacques Prévert)


About the one you never knew

Has anyone asked who took that photo?



New face for the blog. It's a template orginaly from thumblr I think. I like it, dark yet colorful.

About that...found some images in the basket of goodies. Old one so...here'a face lift for it, in the sense that is shinnes once more on display:

Benjamino Terraneo

* next morning>I noticed the song was not working, went to the source and found the whole youtube mute...weiiirrddd


L-a apucat de picior, l-a apucat bine acum de picioare și îl trage afară. Cheile zdrăngăne de Turnul Eiffel suspendat cu vârful în jos. Zdrang….zdrang. O pasare îi zâmbește transparent.

Asculta mai multe audio Muzica






yep. those shots are not taken in movement. the car was just sitting like that =))

eh. I loved it =))

to look to find

I find things exactly when I'm not looking
I hit the obstacles exactly when I'm not expecting them

:( Wow. So many negative posts...

On a more fashionny note, I am talking about this :

I am droooling like mad, happy, making calculations, "fuck the money", "eh screw the prices", "damn euros"...and then the bloody/damn site does not accept my card (which is totally valid and I have made other payments with it!!) ...and then depression. Uf!

The first two phrases are 90% true for me, in every aspect. I do love surprises (good ones) so...if I am to keep getting the good ones, must I also accept all these bad ones? Simple answer "yes", human answer "why???:(((((((((((" and more or less hopeful answer "maybe someday a surprise will come without the bad side".

What if the theory is only valid if you believe in it? I was thinking about this because for some people the "compensation theory" does not apply. There you have Donald Thrump and then you have a beggar in Africa. I bet the surprises they get in life are pretty different. It's not even about surprises, it's about the attitude you have towards life. The surprise is a good way of analysing it. Anyway, what if we truly truly believe everything is going to be the best. How can it turn wrong?


Too tired to move

Mobile post . I an partially in a coma due to tirednes. I have a very old photo on my desk with two of my friends and me. All I see in that image is how much more easier my life was. Of. On another note, I was a bad girl today, so I am posting a public apology to mr X. :p

O definiţie a rahatului

Iaca Iaca , limba română. E mai "plastic" să spun ce am de spus în această limbă.

Aşadar, ipoteza este : Facultatea de Biologie este un rahat.
premisa1. Tot ce se înscrie în definiţia rahatului este rahat.
premisa 2. Facultatea de Biologie se înscrie în definiţia rahatului. (sau dacă vreţi "Toate Facultatea de Biologie Bucureşti este ceva ce se înscrie în definiţia rahatului)
concluzie. Facultatea de Biologie este rahat.
prin argument de tip

după figura 1 şi mai e şi Barbara care e un argument tare so there you go!!!

Am preferat varianta scurtă cu formularea "definiţia rahatului" dar la ce mă refer este asta :
În rahat intri uşor şi scapi greu.

Pentru amuzamentul personal vor preciza faptul că nu mă refer la ceva gen Poli, o facultatea grea prin materii şi examene. Mă refer aici la birocraţie (duh! the chick who writes this blog is from Romania).
Tot încerc de ceva ani să îmi iau dosarul înapoi de la Facultatea de Ecologie (din cadrul celei de Biologie ce ţine de Universitate). Am acolo marfă preţioasă, mirifica diplomă de bac şi fişa matricolă...în splendidul original pentru că eu, ultima toantă am intrat la fără taxă şi în naivitatea mea am zis, ia hai să fac două facultăţi. M-am lămurit după două luni (acum 3 ani) şi de atunci tot încerc să le explic că vreau să plec de la facultatea lor.
Încercările mele au fost oprite de:
O scârbă mai mare decât găurile din pereţi sau din şosetele paznicei improvizate din faţa facultăţii de la secretarele superbe care o iau ca o ofensă personală alegerea mea să PLEC. Se şi miră.
Infinitele hârtii! De fiecare dată când merg trebuie să alerg în 4-5 corpuri diferite(nu nu,nu în aceaşi curte) să iau acte şi mereu mă lovesc de o uşă închisă. Fie s-a terminat programul(că ia ceva ore să tot alergi), fie pur şi simplu nu e nimeni. Nu numai că trebuie să obţin aceste hârtii, dar se tot adaugă când mai încerc. În momentul de faţă am obţinut un act ce mă ajuta doar într-o parte pentru a-mi da alt act O_o . A trebuit chiar să declar pierdute carnetul şi legitimaţia (de formă) pentru că tanti secretară care mi-a luat carnetul anul trecut nu mai e şi teoretic ar trebui să le am ca să lichidez înscrierea. Deci dacă vedeţi un anuţ cu pierdut carnet bla bla ecologie să ştiţi că e doar ca să arăt CHITANŢA la o nepricepută.
Dap, bani. Parcă văd că mă pun să plătesc cine ştie ce. Cred că atunci fac urât şi oricum nu văd aştia nici un sfaţ de la mine, poate doar o scandal dacă nu îmi dau actele.

Tocmai am terminat un proiect la MP prin care puneam în funcţiune un centru pentru studenţii străini ce printre altele avea marea grijă de a-i ajuta pe ăia micii cu actele ce le trebuie în sistemul ăsta mizerabil. Cred că trebuia să facem unul românesc.
S-a inventat internetul şi bazele de date. De ce trebuie să alerg la 10 facultăţi să adun ştampile pe o singură foaie pe care o depun în altă parte?
Cu un search şi click eu aflu cnp-uri şi ei nu pot să aibă o bază care să zică : nu am cameră de cămin, nu am datorii şi nu am furat cărţi de la bibliotecă?

Nu am reuşit nici măcar să găsesc un site ca lumea pe care să le las o amintire drăguţă. Din întâmplare am dat pe nişte forumuri şi nu sunt singura cu urări pozitive pentru această facultate. E mai mare ruşinea.

La FCRP, deşi depppaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarte de perfecţiune, măh, sunt toate într-un loc.


Adventures in Lomo nr. 6

note to self: must experiment more with movement !! proof for Ms CerealKIller who doubted my fireman!!!

pretty! and surprising. didn't expect Mr X to show up in the corner.

bad shadows! not a very good raction to darker places.

noticed this also with the flash which gets tired after one "explosion". The next two shots after a first flash are darker, too dark.

Under pressure

Since Ms NewBornStarinHerEyes (some time ago) told me she read the blog I kept thinking about a thought she shared with me. It was an opinion of hers that stuck with me. She is very right, but thinking I was the only one who knew it made it easier. Since then, more or less, I feel some sort of pressure, even if it's only to not let her down. Before I started the post today I was thinking exactly about what she said and I was trying to find a topic. And then the obvious topic came to mind. There is almost noting worse for me than the combination between choice and pressure, and since most of our choices are done under some sort of pressure you can deduct a certain fact. Anyway, (so to not restrict to the word choice, but every reaction is a sort of choice) reacting under pressure is something we should study about ourselves. I guess there are people who react more responsible under pressure or people who react worse, panic and stuff...but the issues is what is pressure? Aren't we under pressure for everything? Expectations, conventions, "advice". To belong to a certain group you must manifest the same values or/and interests as the other members. All these aspect must also be seen in parts of our behaviour like what we chose to wear and what movies to see. Soo whether we admit or notice this, we feel pressure from our social groups.
The issue of time is also very important. If you have a second to react is totally different than if you have a week. I do believe in first choices, in that our minds and bodies have an instinct we should sometimes trust. As is showed a few lines earlier, if we think to much we might fall under the jurisdiction of "what is expected of us" and not what we want or are. I am not saying, ok, let's go wild, let's do everything we want etc etc. But as Goffman names it, we would always know the difference between our "presentation self" and our true identity.



wow! so many titles containing "sleep"

Anyway, I wanted to write a little about the sleepover from yesterday.
Me and Ms ChocolateCracker went to Ms MagicCrayon's house to hang out and stuff. Somehow we ended up talking from 10pm to 5am about...everything and nothing. From what we like to eat to strange Japanese sex stuff, from what we did in highschoool to what we are doing these days.
I guess time shows you what friends really are. That episode from Seinfeld about "the show about nothing" just came into mind.We did not discuss world peace or genetic breakthroughs (although we fell into the discussion of time travel and consequences etc etc), but we had the best time and we were passionate about every topic.
It doesn't take much to have fun, really.
Can't wait to see how the photos turned out.

Take the time and go out, sleep over, talk to your friends. They make the world go round.



deja= already

I am so tired I cam barely be (bee, pun intended) coherent.


The Fireman and the Wasps


He came to save me from them. They were "growing" under my window.



As in Ed , Edd n Eddy...or you might also know it as Educational System...
Its stupidity, absurdity and humour is only shadowed by the tragic story of all those young minds butchered by this IDIOT.
It's not just second hand information like this > link that inflates my temper, but also first hand experiences like today where I stayed 6 hours over my schedule to be able to present my project (mandatory for me to pass that subject). My two examples also show two aspects:
1. The f****ing idiots that run our Ed are in fact unprepared, unskilled and most of all uninterested . They send their children in Switzerland and/or private institutions or they just don't care cause they have enough money to secure their future. Unskilled and unprepared because they are products of another very ill Ed, an older one, but at least I have the impressions that the ones who made the older Ed at least tried. Since they watch porn during the conventions and meetings, since they fall asleep, since they are to busy ruining what's left of the economy and of the constitution, the poor Ed is merely a bunch of old, barely standing buildings with a fraction of good teachers, a minimum of good students and a fucking lot of idiots. That is related to aspect 2.
2. Since when do people who are on purpose retarded get to go to university? The delay was caused by the on purpose retarded people who came in the wrong day. They have no shame, no decency and no logic.How damn hard it is to read : People with seminar on Monday come on Monday during their usual seminar hours, people with seminar on Wednesday come on Wednesday during their usual seminar hours. Many students of all ages are so uninterested in they education they purposely try to ruin it for everyone. Haven't you ever had that discussion with a badly chosen friend : "Why the fuck should we go to the class? come on! let's go out/ let's have a beer.", "Uh you looser, why do you do your homework?".And since when are we trying to make the damn exams easier???!!!! More specialised when getting to university, yes but when I hear them complain about oh how hard is the national examination, oh how hard is the exam for university !!! Fucking this is what it fucking happens! Idioooots!!!!



a song I bet they never heard of :



Ms Hair -Project manager
Ms CerealKiller
Ms Freckles
Ms LLQ (Long Live the Queen)
Ms ...oh wait, that's me

picture by Ms Freckles

sorry for not posting more. just too tired ...

Ice, anyone?

Frozen water or..... 4-Methylaminorex

none of the photos are edited or staged.

Adam şi Eva

Cum totul se rezuma la asta, cuplul primordial.

In primul rand scriu in limba ...şi nu pot scrie în româneşte fără diacritice. Măcar atât a făcut facultatea din mine. Am ales propria-mi limbă pentru că altfel nu pot spune ce vreau să spun. Ca să zic aşa, ăsta e un subiect apropriat de sufletul meu.
Acum luni bune am citit o carte, "Adam şi Eva" de Rebreanu. Foarte frumoasă, dar nu pot spune că m-a dat pe spate talentul lui (îmi e superior în toate dar zic aşa, ca un cititor umil). Abia acum însă m-a ajuns ideea (ce nu pot spune că îi aparţine) până în fundul creerului. Printre povestirile ce descriu călătoria celor două suflete pereche prin timp până la împreunarea lor nu este şi povestea biblică despre Adam şi Eva, dar ce trebuie să înţelegem, noi cititorii, din titlu plus parcugerea cărţii, este conceptul de cuplu primordial. Splendid. Nu numai noi suntem rezultatul unui cuplu, dar până şi ideea de cuplu este fructul aceleiaşi împreunări dintâi. Poate trebuie să explic. S-a ajuns cumva la acest arhetip, "cumva" deoarece nu a fost timp înainte să fie măsurat de cineva, cuplul primordial, ce a generat acest model pe care se constituie viaţa din acea primă clipă de unitate între două entităţi diferite. Splendid.
Nu doresc să intru în discuţia cu există un singur om pentru fiecare sau că aceleaşi suflete se caută vieţi în şir etc. pentru că...parcă până la urmă astea sunt detalii comparativ cu imensitatea semnificaţiilor simplei idei de unitate între două fiinţe diferite. Să nu vă prind cu argumente biologige ca nu scriu despre sex.(oau!it may be the first time I write it on my blog phahahaha)
De când eram prea mică să înţeleg ce e aia sărut m-au fascinat poveştile de dragoste, poate uneori într-un mod ciudat. Nu m-au pasionat personajele sau aventurile pentru spectaculozitate, ci mă pasiona miza, intriga. Ce îi desparte? Ce îi uneşte? Cum au reuşit să fie împreună? Ca şi cum încercam să învăţ toate trucurile, toate posibilele obstacole, toate soluţiile.
A , şi ce îmi mai plăcea în poveşti erau creaturile magice: zâne, sirene, vrăjitori, inorogi, vampiri, vărcolaci, îngeri, toată gama, buni sau răi. Uuuuu dragoooni. Daaa!! Elfi :D etc. etc.(în gama de creaturi magice aş îndrâzni să adaug şi super eroii, deşi sunt mai apropriaţi de forma umană majoritatea) Am vrut să fiu din fiecare. Cred că prima a fost sirenă, apoi inorog, apoi zână, apoi un lung şir de superputeri....(apoi am descoperit că am superputeri.shhh)....şi apoi, în povestea oricărui supererou sau om obişnuit îmi place să găsesc pe Adam şi Eva.

want music?or photos? close your eyes and remember the best kiss you ever had.



Aaaaaan I just did something reeeaaallly stupid

I erased a previous google account ...connected to the picasa that stores blogger images, and now the photos won't show on my blog...and...yeah....

From now on it's ok cause I have the new account , but the ones that were on the previous one are puf away...I'd like to recover them if possible...

I have tried to sign in to the account but duh it's gone and the recovery is only for forgotten passwords and co.

Image 4

* for Facebook readers, this version always lacks the song so please check out the original post

When the sky became blue


* for Facebook readers, this version always lacks the song so please check out the original post

I never hang up


Soft voice

I mentioned yesterday that I almost got a buss fine. The problem was that I had to get to the place where they sell tickets, but it's far so I took the buss :P . And on the bus there was the guy who checks people for tickets. He was like : young lady, ticket?. me: (surprised he came out to ask me. then my face took the innocent hurt puppy look) oh please, I am using the buss just for a station (which was true, and got back to the wet puppy eyes). Him: how old are you? Me: Me? I am 16(which was a lie). Him: Congratulations. Many more. It's ok.

Specifications: I was wearing a short little funny skirt (nothing tight and indecent) and I had a biiig backpack cause I was planning on reading some stuff. So.. I dunno. Maybe that was why he thought I was what I said I was =))) Of course Mr X was.....about it and said that if I was with him he would have noticed I was not that young or something like that. :|

when I was 16


Not mine

As I was looking at the photo that I chose for today’s blog (which is not mine), I got to thinking about this thing that most of us have(pun intended), to own stuff, people, money, ...qualities. Yes, we want other people's qualities, we want to own them and claim our merit for them. Anyway, rights on a image, rights on property. You name it. How many countries aren't there that allow men to practically own women? Don't worry, it's not about that. It's about owning in all aspects. I mean the harder you keep on to what you own, the more difficult life is and the more we all suffer in a way. If we would all share (everything, generally speaking) there would be no use of owning like we do now. Again I feel I have to specify something, that I am not talking about communism, but I feel as thought we are at the other end of the stick. We hold on to our stuff like mad, even non-physical things like our phrases (like something funny we said, "it's mine! you can't use it" or " I said it first") . In a world where most of the things have already been said and most of the stuff have already been owned and let's face it, except a Picasso, mostly everything is mass produced...what does owning mean? Memories came to mind, like those are definitely ours...but are they? How many times, when you did something romantic, didn't you copy it from a book or a movie? How many times when you said something fun you didn't get inspired by Seinfeld or whatever? Unless you are thrown out of a plane (preferably with a parachute) over a virgin part of the Amazon, it is unlikely that you are seeing something that someone else hasn't seen before. Oh, I am so pessimistic. I am ripping that shinny little layer of "no way! I am so unique!". It's not all bad. The unique things are the ones that can't be owned...that's what I am trying to say. Those things are probably indescribable and so small you forget them or so amazing that you'd want to share them but can't.
I honestly was going to write something totally different. I mean toooootaly.

Tomorrow then...about my almost buss fine and my workshop with USA TODAY editor. I think I am forgetting something. Maybe it will come back to me....And yes, the mys are intentional :P

An isn’t it funny. I did this without thinking. The photo said private property on the sign and the title of the file is “not mine” =))

Ohh I remembered…Irony. All on tomorrow’s next episode of…Please think of something unoriginal.


Writer's block

I am having one...so what I do is think about it. When you can't write...is it because you don't have anything to write or it's because you think you don't have anything good to write?Or both. Or because you just don't want to share, there's a little autism in you. Or all of it? Grrrrrr.

My cat is surely not out of funny faces :

I don't know any funny, happy happy songs :|

be glad I didn't post Memory =))



I was born too late



I have always held the greatest admiration for Atlas, because he has the strengh to hold the whole world on his shoulders. His burden always moved me. But today I found out my image of Atlas is false. He was not punished to hold the earth, but to hold the sky, to separate the primordial couple Gaia (earth) and Uranus(sky). I don't feel the romantic guilt anymore, the guilt of weighing even a single pound more of the burden he is forced to cope with.
Of course, it was even more than that. His (early) image came to mind today as I am fighting to resolve all my projects that seem to never end and get heavier and heavier by the day. I felt disappointed.
And that is why I didn't write yesterday. I was writing for a project, team project and I felt the pressure to finish and finish. I just couldn't stop writing. People were depending on me.

I told Ms NewBornStarinHerEyes(ah, she is so beautiful) yesterday that my blog is therapy. That idea actually came to mind as I was saying it. I realized that, except for Mr X sometimes, hardly anyone says anything about my blog so I don't get to really conceptualize what is means or what it does. And I don't mind at all, both the fact that people don't speak about it in physical life and the fact that I don't theorize it too much. It's just a challenge everyday to write. The rest of my feelings toward it change everyday.

Cig Harvey


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................................................................. Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog