I am the closest thing I have for a lab rat.

If my 14 year old self could see me or hear my thoughts today she would go like : "you want to wear that? are you crazy? stick to our long wide t-shirts and jeans please. oh and, dude, you'd fall of those high heals!"

But 2 months before I was 15 I cut my long boring hair and put on a red dress. I started to be addicted to the staring.
Yes. this is the actual dress.

I hate superficiality, but I know lots of people who think that people who pose are superficial...I was one of them, well, as a kid.

I love to imagine the dialog between the same person at different ages. And if I ever consider counseling I would only do it if my therapist were all the selfes that I am/was. If we are all happy and evolution is present I think I'll be fine.

I am sure that in 20 years I'll see this and say. "Why did you spend so much money on clothes?"

Over all, underneath all (yes, I know this is one of the songs he likes ) , all I want for Christmas is a spring flower.



NEW : Portfolio - http://inaionescu.daportfolio.com !!!

Sometimes the photos are pretext for the words...sometimes the words are a pretext for the photo

I've always been a big fan of hope. I mostly live on it...and criticize myself for being like that, but (ah, the wonderful "but") it's possible to fly.


A skirt

I will start with the bright side. I was at Diana Krall's concert last night. ...I'll let the music speak for itself.

Her voice sounds like Joan Mitchell a little in this song.

She made me laugh and cry.

If you've read at least one or two blog posts of mine (and if you haven't, here it is) you should know that, as my colleague from university told me today, " you are soo deep", meaning I interpret and think (and thus) write about issues that are more of a symbolic, moral and maybe sentimental matter. I am telling you this because today the non-symbolic, not moral and not at all sentimental aspects of life bit me by the ass.

So today was different. I started wonderful with a sweet sms from someone that woke me up. Put on some very nice clothes and went to school. Got a little late to the seminar and so I threw my jacket on the hanger right outside the classroom (which was actually the only place to hang them). In the middle of the seminar the cleaning lady opened the door and asked "who forgot the jacket outside". I , a bit surprised and annoyed said, "It's mine, but I didn't forget it there, I put it there!". She then proceeded to tell me that it will get stolen (this in the middle of the seminar. everyone had stopped to listen to this). She finally left and the opinions in class varied but only a little. Some wondered what the hell was I thinking when I left it, some were not so surprised about it but that I should go take it . I annoyed the teacher a little bit (who, by the way, thought that even thought I am in a very serious institution, on the 3rd floor, in the last class of the building, someone would still come and steal it). And she was almost right. When I came out the jacket was gone. I stormed to the secretary who sent me to the gate keepers where, by what I call a miracle, I found it. Someone had left it by the staircase. Very mysterious. Have no clue what happened.

My point is that everyone thought it might be stolen (except me. I was really cool about leaving it there. Really didn't think twice), everyone!! I found no exceptions in 40 highly educated people (who by my best guesses did no live, or have ever lived in Pantelimon or some very bad neighborhood). I expected them to be a little more pampered or as naive as I am (being the same age). With that sock in mind we went to the next class of the day in another building.

On the way we got hit and hit on. A gypsy with blinding blond died hair was running and since he had nothing else to do he hit my friend when he passed by her. In about 5 seconds another person with the same skin color started hitting on us wih disgusting remarcks about our legs and something. I tried to ignore it.
For the first time in my life, and this is no joke, I just wanted to move the fuck away from this country. I realize what happened today was definetly not a big deal. Minor incidents, but so many on the same day and I must specify and underline this happened on one of the best streets in the city. I mean it doesn't get anymore central than this. The top boulevard !!!!

We were a group of girls minding our own business, not even dressed too sexy, casual casual clothes, walking on a sunny afternoon to school and this happened to us. We were skirts, I was simply a skirt. Of course there was a stupid office building in construction on our way and the workers turned their heads and objectified us in their minds. Again, it seems not a big deal but as a person I felt defenseless and threatened. This country feels unsafe every step of the way. It sinks in our minds since we are young that nothing is guaranteed, not your safety, not your money, not your investment (in anything, from money to education since you might not get a job even if you are super qualified), not in politics...not in anything. I usually think to myself it is worth it because it's home and memories and such orange sunsets in Bucharest (from all the pollution by the way) and smell of cherry trees everywhere and people and friends...

I suddenly see all these things someplace different. I dunno.

I've been falling towards this side of the argument (to stay/to leave) since I've been living on my own and most of all since I've dealt with the state in making documents for different things. Nothing seems to change and nothing seems to work for you, you always work for them, an they give you nothing in return.

Si apoi iar ma loveste o dragoste..discutam azi cu un prieten ca romanii nu reusiesc sa faca poze bune in Romania(sau se plang de asta) si vine un strain si face niste shoturi de te lasa cu maxilarul in pamant.


Life on a fridge door

I have likes and dislikes, preferences and I also have many ways of evaluating how people live/are/aspire.
I like to look though windows at night when the light is on behind the glass. I never stare but when passing by I take a small moment to glance in the person's territory, a place where I, as a stranger to them, will never enter. I usually see a lamp or a something on the walls or the curtains. Even the color of the walls or of the bulb still means something to me. A few weeks ago I was passing a very old house, a house with big big wooden windows, like they used to make them and they were all dusty and aged by wind and rain. Behind the yellowish curtains which had been white once I could see a lot of statues. The room looked like a studio, from where I saw it. A lot of wooden figures and shapes out lying around or displayed on a shelf. I thought to myself that there must be a sculptor in the house. I kept walking by and told the person I was walking with. She didn't look at all. At the time I thought to myself it was strange. The curtains were so casualty thrown to the sides by the objects lying around near the window and I recognized in a second a human shape. Why wouldn't you take a peek in a house so old and romantic?

I was clear to me that even if many people probably do this, look though windows or have curiosities they don't fully understand or give it any importance. Their curiosity goes as far as "let's see what's that", it doesn't progress to "what does that mean?".

The house in which someone lives is of great importance. If you have an extremely clean and neatly decorated house and if you always know what you want when you open the fridge, you are boring to me. Sorry! If you have a life outside the house, if you use the house (meaning it's not some vacation house, somewhere where you live 2 days a year) then it can't look perfect. "Not boring" people can't help throwing an article of clothing somewhere when they're in a hurry, they buy stuff because they like it even if it doesn't mach their initial decorating style and they receive gifts they are forced to keep because it's from your mother or your mother-in-law or some buddy with awful taste in clocks that comes around every week.
People who have emotions and thoughts and jobs and chores and dates sometimes open the fridge door only to realize they were looking for the remote or that they are not so hungry. :P This brings me closer to a very important detail . The fridge door.
I have no idea who started this trend to put all kinds of stuff on your fridge door but I love it. Instead of a CV or a complete background check I would be satisfied to see your fridge door. What is written on the Post-its, what kind of pictures, magnets, stickers ? I feel such a big joy to put something new on my fridge door, a new magnet from Paris, a new sticker with some funny cartoon...

There are many ways of evaluating the content of the fridge door. For example there are the classic family photos. Its clear that that person loves his family. It depends on how old those photos look to understand if those photos are for fun or because that person misses the family members. If you're in a relationship and you have a very old photo of you two still there, no new one you thought of putting there, I would recommend some resurrection methods. I personally love the mix and mach: photos of people (bro's, family, the new baby cousin etc), magnets with places or movies and other trivia, cool stickers and most of all post-it's to remember your self to take the clothes out of the machine or buy milk.
It's one of those things you usually don't notice because it's there everyday and it grows and changes slowly, but sometimes if I'm down and I end up wanting a bite or forgetting that the remote isn't in the fridge I notice the colors and a rush of happy memories does the trick.

woooaaaauu!! long one.

I am just starting to make my fridge door.



It's been a while since I wrote anything.
Real life keeps me busy.
Weddings, divorces, trips, school, boyfriends, friends, houses,facebook, money, chores, papers, shopping, sleeping, party , superpokefriends, movies, aquarium, tailors, lack of money, relatives, eating, movies again, facebook again, superpokefriends again...
and movies again.
I saw Marie-Antoinette, the one by Sofia Coppola. I mean let's skip the nominations and awards, but take a look at this soundtrack : soundtrack . O_O . I love it when things surprise me.

I have a stack of pills next to my chocolate. I have a cold. Ironic that probably the last pretty sunny week of this autumn I am spending it in the house with a runny nose. Irony amuses me.

In times like these I love to browse photos with sunny places and sunny people.
It's been half a year since I've become one of those sunny people. Like I said,
I love... surprises.


Ignorace is bliss

* there's a big bang on her desk, the Longman dictionary

ignorance: lack of knowledge or information about something

If taken literary, I am sure every rational human being, every man that uses his brain, does intellectual work and so on jumps up from his/her seat and says : "how the hell can that be true?" .
What do you understand when you hear "ignorance" ?

Longman continues "ignorance is bliss" used to say that if you do not know about a problem, you cannot worry about it.

And after this I feel free to say that the same people who reject ignorance (the sort of person I described above) would agree.

I wrote something on a old paper cd-cover a few days ago. Truly happy moments are when I am waiting for something that I want and know is coming.
When I have something, I fear loosing it, I feel the need to protect it.
When I am waiting for something I want, anticipation drives the fears away. I can't worry about loosing something I do not yet have. I see the future with my object of desire, imagining how happy I will be. Most of the time, the concept that I am really content the moment I dream about this future happiness escapes me. It seems I had a moment of rationality when I wrote on that piece of paper. I was waiting for something.
When I read it today I got to thinking about the saying, "ignorance is bliss".

Precious things in my house:
my lady
my tower
my painting
though the door
the paper cd-cover

Somewhere high

fast forward to minute 1 and 30 seconds and HIGH VOLUME

3 bodies and one head :D
I have two words for you:
Udrea Elena

O strig ca la catalog. Pentru mine nu e o diva.

Deobicei nu ma bag la subiecte deja extrem de discutate, poate doar daca sunt printre primii care le discuta.
Faza cu Udrea e de ceva vreme. Deja desgustata, nu am dat atentie domnisoarelor de la stiri cand auzeam numele persoanei in discutie, dar astazi, vegetand in fata televizorului si fiind deja impuiata cu politologie de domnul Frigioiu, am zis sa fiu atenta.
Initial nimic fascinant , aceeasi Udrea Elena cocheta intra si iese :giggle: ...din sala in care este chemata de Comisia Parlamentara. Auzisem ceva, ca tot sfideza aceasta comisie, dar problema e la cu totul alt nivel acum, unul foarte ridicat.
Am auzit un membru al acestei comisii, ce reprezinta in final PARLAMENTUL , rugand-o, RUGAND-O pe o Udrea Elena insolenta si indiferenta sa raspunda intrebarilor. Chiar si felul cum a pus intrebarea m-a deranjat.
Sa fim seriosi. Cine de aici are indoieli in privinta faptului ca s-au cheltuit inutil , inexplicabil si poate chiar ilegal fonduri din Ministerul Turismului ?
Ei bine, doamna din Comisia Parlamentara a RUGAT-O pe Udrea Elena sa raspunda intrebarilor pentru a demonstra ceea ce ea sustine, si anume nevinovatia sa.
Binenteles, rugamintea a fost absolut ignorata, Udrea Elena zicandu-si poezia(ca e ilegala comisia etc etc) si lasand Comisia , foarte foarte evident, cu ochii in Soare.

Exercise & Discrimination

nice little article in Times > http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6813491.ece
They just had to dig up the Basescu-gypsy incident. God Damn IT!

Completely shocked about the Madonna concert incident. It's fresh news, the concert was last night. Already I've read journals on DeviantArt and some very small news on the internet.
This article....
>> http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20090827/twl-madonna-booed-over-sad-gypsy-abuse-3fd0ae9.html << I will never discriminate a person for being a gipsy. I "discriminate" a person for being unwashed, for talking dirty and swearing at me. I "discriminate" a person who threatens me or calls me names just because they know I can't turn back and say something because of the knife or the other 5 friends around him/her. I've seen blonde gipsy's, white gipsy's. Their color or looks have nothing to do with it...so neither does their ethnicity. We should respect their customs and traditions...but can we call stealing a tradition? or begging? I think that needs to be corrected.
I don't hear Madonna talking about romanians being discriminated in Italy.
What foreigners with high regards towards democracy and equality, with millions of dollars in their pockets, do not understand is that their are asking us to accept rudeness and lack of politeness and garbage.
Romanians are very practical and I do not think that a person won't hire a person with Roma origins if they are qualified. This is what discrimination is about: lack of equality in employment, education, law etc. As far as I have heard Romanians(by ethnicity because we are all Romanian citizens! gypsy or not) do not discriminate when it comes to accept a student (plus they have special spots...why?anyway) or to hire someone QUALIFIED!

It is not normal to accept 12 year old kids getting married, it is not ok to accept rudeness or the fact that they are taught to be selfish and unclean.
There are also many Romanians like that...we should give them free spots in university too!

They are a social problem for us. Not because they dance beautifully or have talent in music.Not because they like to be somewhat nomads or free. Their family group has serious problems. They are still "medieval". Mostly everything is accompanied by physical punitive methods. Tradition is held even above the law.

It sounds terrible, I know. The highly educated Romanians civilize the gypsies. We have our own problems. We seem to absorb their culture and not the other way around. the 'manele', the clothes, the vulgar language, the crimes.

What I want to hear is their so called king and respected people in their community say "hey, let's all learn, let's all wash and let's all stop stealing and work".
What they really lack is the desire to integrate.

I exercise living on my own
I exercise cooking by myself
I exercise washing my clothes all by myself

and the newest thing is I exercise being with people on my own.

We learn to interact from other people. From our parents, our friends, our brothers etc etc .
I threw all that I learned away. More than one reason showed me that in my "adult" life what I though to be as correct or "the way it should be /is" is in fact, wrong and false.
I can't say that my family steered me in the wrong way but their rules do not apply...not to my satisfaction anyway.

" U ok? " = intrebare complexa/complex question

most of the times it's like this . 5 characters (including the space and the question mark)
how can this be a question that stops you and makes you think?

I am one of those people who find the most simple expressions the most ambiguous, because they have few words, because I fail to see the parameters in which my strain of thoughts should stay in.
I am not completely lost, I don't usually do this. Most "u ok?" I answer with "yes"," sure", "yup" or very rarely..."no". But when things are going on it's impossible not to be caught up somewhere in between "yes" and "no", you yourself not knowing which it is.

What I think about this problem is that we should ask ourselves more often if we are ok, happy, satisfied, complete and stop waiting for others to ask so that we can talk abut it or even think about it.


Mai mac

decât macul

coloare aprinsă,
formă timidă,
se-ndoaie cu briza,
s-alintă cu lumina,

se uită cu anotimpul,
se scrie cu bobiţe negre,

va fi
timpul nostru


22.11 Absence

Outside the barracks by the corner light
I'll always stand and wait for you at night
We will create a world for two
I'll wait for you the whole night through
For you, Lilli Marlene
For you, Lilli Marlene

Bugler tonight, don't play the Call To Arms
I want another evening with her charms
Then we will say goodbye and part
I'll always keep you in my heart
With me, Lilli Marlene
With me, Lilli Marlene

Give me a rose to show how much you care
Tied to the stem, a lock of golden hair
Surely tomorrow you'll feel blue
But then will come a love that's new
For you, Lilli Marlene
For you, Lilli Marlene

When we are marching in the mud and cold
And when my pack seems more than I can hold
My love for you renews my might
I'm warm again, my pack is light
It's you, Lilli Marlene
It's you, Lilli Marlene

My love for you renews my might
I'm warm again, my pack is light
It's you, Lilli Marlene
It's you, Lilli Marlene

Absence...of color, of air, of will, of presence, of love, of characters, of smoke

It seems that the only mistress I must be afraid of is Europe . People I would appreciate to have near me are in Europe's capitals right now, while I am in this capital full of heat and, paradoxically, also thunder and rain.

Distance is frustrating. I can't do anything about it. I've read and read a few weeks ago about how time and space are perceived differently now and these barriers are almost erased (Thompson, Harvey, McLuhan etc etc read them) , how one is transforming into the other and/or compressing.
That is full of shit, pardon my French. Maybe at some artificial level that's true. Sure, it doesn't take 3 months to sign a contract with your partner in China but it's the same thing if you missed your child while he was at war, either in the First World War or in Iraq. The mother is equally frightened.
To be less dramatic, I miss my love in the same way now as I would have 100 years ago. So I talk to him on the phone, that's what Harvey would give as example for the space axis compressing, we don't feel the space between us because we communicate in this minute and not in 3 weeks (what would the letter take to be delivered by "horse powered" carriage).

But in my heart the space is as present and as huge as it really is. It's not the same as him being here. In our minds these axis of time and space never compress if you really understand them, if you are aware of them. I am thinking now that these authors must be referring to the fact that people forget them and give them less importance and not that they truly compress with the help of technology. Technology is only a pill to make us forget the space and time between us.


Sticky notes

After long weeks of exams and even longer days of photographing for work, after all my intellectual effort (yeah, don't laugh) and constant restraint not to blow everything off and do photos for me and read books only for me (which resulted in a wide wide wide range of sticky notes on my desk with ideas, chores and things to do) now I am..I feel like...like one of those people who prepare for a long time for something like a big daring trip and the day before they have to leave they chicken out.

I should have a big red sticky note on my computer screen which says : Stop expecting so much !
From you, from others, from the world or the weather.
Now I am too tired to do all those things. I want to see my friends and take my cam but conversations seem exhausting and my cam is soooo heavy.

Eventually I am going to get my ass of this chair and do all those things and more, but let me crash for a while. Crash....good movie, good word. When I visualize the word "crash" I imagine it like a crash between stars that, by some accident of nature, get closer and closer to each other not knowing that when they touch they'll hurt and transform beyond anything they can imagine...yeah...I remember a list I made once. It seems so long ago that the stars almost faded out. " study, play the piano again, learn to speak Chinese, tell him I love him ..." I did one of those things and so I visualize the word crash.

Another word I like is "air" that makes me think about "air under my wings" (big surprise my blog is named "Wing" in Romanian , isn't it ?!). And if I close my eyes I can still feel this morning's cool air on the 9th floor of a home building, looking out as the sun rose. Out of nowhere a warm breeze put it's arm around me.
When the sun rises you can't see the stars.
It's typical for us to wonder in thought towards those that are soo far away, even if it's right there, in your eye, close to your planet, the brightest, warmest star you'll ever see.

Photos from my last day as a student this year!! uhuuu. In Green Hours . Love you Becs and Mire :hug:

On my way to work. In Adi's building. Constanta.

From the only day I visited the beach when I worked in Constanta last week. Photo taken with my mobile. I didn't want to risc the sand getting in my cam. It's to much of a new toy. He sleeps in pillows and I wash my hands when I touch him (LOOOl. joke...sort of).


A day for heroes

for tired feet

because contrasts attract

because I never play golf

because I found my ballance

because I am funny these days

because my heart feels again

because I love bubbles

because I love photographing them

because there is young and there is old

because they fly

because they are red

because I close my eyes and I still see

because she's a as black as me

A girl my age died yesterday. I can't say anything to make the world better today.

We are constantly being reminded how lucky we are.

Just live, chase your happiness.

Why heroes? Because they have a happy end, in this world or the next.

My kisses will fly to reach you in red balloons; <3 for the beautiful new angel.


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