The last mohicans

5 am. party yesterday continued 'till today
uhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Ms CerealKiller and I said we were going to stay 'till the metro started in the morning, no matter what, and hell yeah, we danced until 5 (well...me at least :P).

Could you help me out with this? >>> Sustine Licenta Inei

I hate these TV's in the metro...or maybe hate is not the word. It's some kind of rejection.
For example, two days ago, I was waiting on the platform and every 8-10 meters or so there are some flat screens. Around and under them, 2-3 meters were empty, like there was toxic waste on that part of the platform, because people were sitting further away so as to stare at the screens. It was....like a sociological experiment. It also keeps people standing still. They sit and watch, making that a way of life.
Dunno...since I saw them the first time I just felt like "eugh, not here tooooo".

Adventures in Lomo nr. 6

note to self: must experiment more with movement !! proof for Ms CerealKIller who doubted my fireman!!!

pretty! and surprising. didn't expect Mr X to show up in the corner.

bad shadows! not a very good raction to darker places.

noticed this also with the flash which gets tired after one "explosion". The next two shots after a first flash are darker, too dark.

Deja

deja= already

I am so tired I cam barely be (bee, pun intended) coherent.

Ice, anyone?

Frozen water or..... 4-Methylaminorex

none of the photos are edited or staged.

Soft voice

I mentioned yesterday that I almost got a buss fine. The problem was that I had to get to the place where they sell tickets, but it's far so I took the buss :P . And on the bus there was the guy who checks people for tickets. He was like : young lady, ticket?. me: (surprised he came out to ask me. then my face took the innocent hurt puppy look) oh please, I am using the buss just for a station (which was true, and got back to the wet puppy eyes). Him: how old are you? Me: Me? I am 16(which was a lie). Him: Congratulations. Many more. It's ok.
=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Specifications: I was wearing a short little funny skirt (nothing tight and indecent) and I had a biiig backpack cause I was planning on reading some stuff. So.. I dunno. Maybe that was why he thought I was what I said I was =))) Of course Mr X was.....about it and said that if I was with him he would have noticed I was not that young or something like that. :|

when I was 16

Goals

.
a small list on my desk. it does remind me and makes me look forward. do that. it helps. o!h and please tell me where I can buy one of those blackboards that I can write with markers on :P

want photos?

Getting involved

Sometimes I have felt the urge to speak about social/political matters from my country and I have drowned it. I guess my way of getting involved is trying to make people think and nothing else. When I find myself in the middle of a discussion about politics or our social issues I am never a partisan to one side or another. Firstly , because I know I do not know everything and far less than many because I have no interest for the time being, secondly because I know I have a narrow view as an individual. As an example, Mr X liked a certain candidate at some time and was more than keen on him winning. But Mrs Fanny, whom is one of the most important people for me, hated that candidate. The both of then were bombarding me with opinions, so that I really didn't know what to think since I respected them both and valued their thoughts. So what I did was annoy them =))...with questions and arguments. The argument I got from one I put up against the ones from the other. Of course, no one won, but I got to the point where I understood they both have true and false arguments and their choice was dictated mostly by their social indicators (from age to money, social group, upbringing etc etc). Of course, you may think I am completely condescending and snob and why the hell am I not influenced by those indicators. I am, but I can recognize them and thus I can set them aside and try to get to...yeeees, you guessed it, logics and truth, my two favourite lovers. :D I hope that what I managed to do at that time was make them think form a different view. That's all about politics. If I ever were to start getting involved at another level in society I certainly wouldn't start with politics, because I find it less than a sckeleton in our country. I find that politicians have the most narrow views I have ever heard, read, saw ever and that just scares me. The ONG's, the charities, the independent projects...those are the places where you can actually do things. Well..that's my opinion.

Yevgeny Khaldei

O_O holly ...

hihi, the song is ironic because that guy is Stalin

The "Bad" Words

Swearing.
If to swear would cost money we would all be penniless.
God, I love to swear sometimes. :)) It makes me feel like a grown-up...which is funny cause grown-ups don't like to swear near the kids so why do we think swearing is grown-up-ish if they don't swear. It's other kids that swear...and from them I learned, really. So...Bloody Hell! I feel 30!

=))

cosmin bumbut

Love saves us all

At the beginning (and all through since then ) I've tried to be as general as possible or lyrical when I couldn't be general thus being general by leaving you to interpret how you want. But I find it harder and harder to extend that experience to the world's. We all live in the personal.

From what I recall, I've analyzed little ideas I have about love or relationships, but I never said: "Thank God!" for it. Well...here you go. I would be an empty bucket without it. And I am not talking only about romantic love. It only just hit me today that I love my friends. I really do. I mean I took it as a guarantee that I love my family, my friends, my cat, things that seem normal, but you don't think about it. I realized today, as I was parting with a friend that I miss her when I don't see her and the fact that we will soon graduate and be harder to see each other actually hurts me. When you're younger most relationships are like a given. You see your parents which arrange to see other relatives, you see your friends at school or spare time (most times meeting is easy or spontaneous). Then the environment changes, but your friends do not. Then you move somewhere without your parents and you have to set appointments with your own mom. I find that hard and new. I have to call, arrange, switch and juggle with stuff to see everyone I want to see: highschool friends, parents, relatives. Love gives me continuity. If you didn't love someone why would you continue to see that person? I stay connected to people I truly love and have a connection with. Sometimes I love a person, but the connection is broken or never existed both ways so I just leave it behind....like if I were a bus. Some people get of at some stations, but some are the ones who stick further down the road. I have no answer about who is the driver, since I am the bus I cannot be the driver. Maybe my ideal self I carry around with me...or even more than that I think it's the person I was a second ago, no, a second ago, yes that this second :D. The person I am the next second lives the life the me now made. We practically all decide our future, but not our present, speaking of course in terms of small small small pieces of time. I have it when people speak about the present as a day or week or even year. That is so stupid. They just got used to constancy. If I were to take physics the instant doesn't even exist so there would be no present at all. :)) Anyway I heard a very long time ago a theory about how lifeless things have memory. As in anything, I believe the example I read was a rock and that things that happen around it, to it, "tattoo" stuff on it's memory. I do think it's probably non-sense and I must have dreamed it or something, but in some way maybe it's possible.Everything is a change of a state: changes in temperature, shape, collisions. Every type of phenomenon is nothing else but a change and that should affect everything that it touches. When we move we move the air around, we emanate heat, we give electricity and maybe that rock next to your feet alters itself because of those changes and maybe it will remember. Maybe everything is a little hard drive and in the same time everything is information. I mean you can write on anything You can write in air with smoke or spray or stuff, on walls, on rocks, on ice, on skin, on cheesecake, on plastic, on metals, on hair, on sand, on snow, you name it. Imagine all the information you get from a kiss.I can't help but think that. All that exchange of temperature, pressure, chemicals, electrons. Like woau! My cheek just feels so much more intelligent now. ;))

the first thing I noticed in the room. the colors are tattooed in my head.

A little boy with a new toy

...that is humanity

I see the two of them in a club. He orders coffee, she orders lemonade.
The action that takes most of their time is looking into their phone screens.

I see a person on the subway. The person sits down and around that person all the men are playing pool on their phone, all the women text or talk on the phone.

The best is when a bus or subway just leaves and the ones unlucky enough to miss it, after the moment of gosh, darn it, they pick a comfortable spot and take out their peaces of technology and start pushing buttons or touching screens.

This consumerism is greater than I ever imagined.

Shield

Sometimes I am not generous enough to look at people. I choose random lifeless things to look at when going to the subway, on the subway, on the street, at school, on the subway again, on the street going home. It's exhausting to look at humans. In any case, I'd rather have my third eye between us.

It's Marchuary, uhuuuuuu!

I love the avatars my friends have on messenger.

It's March, but the snow is half a meter.

We all set aside our boots and furry jackets, we got out our sports shoes and delicate footwear...and then it snowed.....for 3 days. =))

The funny things about the avatar pictures is that they are all from the seaside =)) I see my friends in their bathing suits, getting fried under the sun and then I see outside the window how the white snow is pilling up.

Which brings me to my next problem. Storing digital photos. A couple of months ago when my computer died I thought I had lost all the information I had on it. I managed to save it, but I cried for a day. The thing is all my photos from that year were there. I could have lost them all. And this is my problem, the lack of actual materiality of the photos. I have glossy-papered images with my mom as a kid. They remain. The digital ones seem so easy to loose, forget about or ignore. My big problem now is that my (new) computer is already full so I have to debark some of them. DVDs? External Hard? Grrrrrr It is so frustrating!!! And these dvds are not safe enough for me, they age which means they might not work, they don't leave a charming vignette effect or a little yellow allure of times-passed.

Dinner in the dark

I was supposed to meet my mom today for some dinero(pesos, greens, money).I went to her house. She lives in a new building, along with her boss and some other executives. Although new and built especially for them this house is very stupid and when I got there everyone was in shock because the power was out and also the water pomp, thus, my mom, who lives at the last floor was without water. Well...I came there for dinner and I was starving. So her boss, in his familiar manner, took me, my mom and one of his mates(and executive) to the restaurant. I must tell you that both the boss and the mate were Austrians. I am unfortunate enough to not speak any German (Austrian is similar to German although with slight nuances) . Of course, when communicating we spoke the common English, but it was impossible to ask that when these guys were friends since at least 1998 (when they made a funny bet that while the boss is under 80, although he says it was 90, kilos the executive bought the dinner, if not, the boss payed) to speak anyway different than fast and Austrian. So it was the two speaking in their language and me and my mom in our language. It annoyed me greatly. I wish I knew every language on the planet.
The executive was totally charming. I made a joke about his Blackberry and said I'd like one and he asked me: Really, do you want one? And I said :"yes" and he took another identical Blackberry out of his pocket and handed it to me. Omg,to have two identical phones , both working , with blinking incoming emails on them. O f course I couldn't look in the phone so I just opened the browser and decided to google...myself. He asked what I was doing and I answered. He said :"how vain", in a playful manner. He then took the phone like from a child and looked in the google results. I actually come out as the first answer so he found my blog and read my last post. And then I found myself again the dark. With comments like "it's incredible you have the time just to put your thoughts on the internet" and telling my mom she should get me a job and "when you are older this will make you blush" I felt pretty bad. When he finished reading he said thank you and that it made him smile. Should I still get a job?

An interesting question he did ask and I shall think about it. He asked me if I laugh when reading what I wrote when I was much younger. I can actually do that and I did a year ago, a little, and I didn't laugh. More or less, although younger, less experienced, even more naive and unknowing, I still thought in the same way, I still had the same basic principles and desires. I am not ashamed of how I analyzed some friendship or how I described a room or what I liked about a boy. I am hoping that when I'll be 40, this here will seem as fun and "haha that's totally me, but boy was I dumb", just like when I read my diary from the fourth grade.
I've had strong opinions from a very small age. I am not about to change now.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa waking up at 5.15

yup, that's what I am looking forward to right now ough

to busy stuffing my bagpack and thinking what I will certainly forget

Today I have been discovered :( My beloved globe fell this Saturday. I am glueing it back together and I will succeed. Cause that is what I do :P . My modesty is for Mr X.

Today I had my last exam for the semester. Oau. The song The wall came into mind, but I never hated teachers...well except a horrible human being called English teacher in 2 of the years in highschool. Is there a fun song about school?
doing my best to find something and ....here it is :

ok....al my searches point to High School Musical( the movie) :| ...eh what the hell

=))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) This post will remain in history.

Vacation and a special book

The Book of Eli : Surprising movie. I recommend it. It's all I am going to say :P


Tomorrow evening I will be free. The exams will be over. Why don't I feel any kind of happiness?

This is by far the hardest year in school. I feel like any moment I am not with my nose in books I am wasting it. My graduation paper is still in the drawing board and it really worries me.
This weekend I am going on a class trip (class :P = highschool mates). I feel like I am going on an abandoned island with 9 strangers. I don't think they are strangers, but us as a gathering seems so strange. It's actually been over 2 years since we were all together somewhere.
At least I will be out of town, no worries for 2 days, no access to school and co. . I hope to take some shots. I feel rusty. I hope to laugh. I feel rusty. I hope to forget. I feel rusty. I hope to come back. It's been a long time since I left anywhere. Strage. I mean I have been places away form my home, but it didn't feel like I left. God, I hope to leave and take a breath. Yeyy! my excitment just got an errection. Shh! you might scare it away.

wish for a secret

Stereo

type

Stereotype. I love it when self proclaimed cultivated people start talking about stereotypes, exclusively categorizing them "for simple people". Stereotype= a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group, like "women are shoppers", "men like football and hate shopping", the pitzipoanca, the geek, the cowboy etc etc.
Even if the definition uses the term simplified that does not mean it is for simple people. Most of our knowledge is based on a stereotype. That is how the mind functions. The way a stereotype is formed is something like this: we gather some information about a thing A and store it and apply it to the similar things to thing A, thing A1, A2, A3....we don't rationalize much when we gather the information about thing A, as in "put a label on it" (we use other people's knowledge, mass media, advice or one single experience we had with that thing A), and we don't rationalize much when we think thing A1 is just like thing A. Of course we shouldn't judge people and base our actions on stereotypes, but stereotypes do not only refer to people and all that I am saying is the stereotype is more complicated by it's fantastic usage for our life than we can imagine.
I am saying that when the self proclaimed intellectuals consider themselves above the stereotype they are in fact one and they do not have a clue about what it means. If we were to start from zero about every single person, object, phenomenon, action, thought we would go crazy and our heads would explode. We use the stereotypes because, like the Chinese, we have found our "thought vocabulary" to be to complicated to be learned and used functionally and with some profit. We had to simplify our rationalizations of the world around us and thus we invented stereotypes. The fact that when we think of leaves and wood when we hear the word tree is also a stereotype. It's a shortened way from the word tree which have a million species and a million components to some simple features: leaves, wood, green, simple things we process in a blink of an instant (whatever Mr X., the instant exists in our perceptions even if not in physics).

And for God's sake...stereotype that women shop. I have spent 6 hours in a mall after a man today, and I got so fantastically bored out of my mind(and I like shopping). In fact most of the men I know are crazy about shopping and no...they are not gay. Yes yes...another stereotype. Hey, most of them are right. That's why it's so fun when you find a so called exception...I found 3.

Another exception. I don't like black eyed pees or whatever their name is at all. Usually their music is dull, commercial and simple(bit, bum, ah, olala, uhuu, bit, over). But this song I like, most of it. It keeps singing in my head :

Black Eyed Peas -Meet Me Halfway

It's hard

It's hard to write something relevant to you when I almost never leave the house and I spend my time with my nose trapped in books. The glorious season is upon me! As in exams time ! iupiiiiii

The only "intelligent" idea that I had today (which does not presume writing you a whole manual about social or political theory combined with history) is about a quote the teaches asked us to comment, paraphrased like this : mass-media is all-powerful because we make it all-powerful. So true...I was actually very bored. She could have gave us something less "yeah yeah, heard it before", but when I started writing I thought of something new. It's the spiral of silence theory. Media feeds itself feeding the opinion of the majority, that opinion being that media has power or is wright or can do things we can't.
In all fairness the media does have some things some people, as people outside the media don't have: the access to information, the channels to share it very very quickly and to many many people. Media give us the sensation that we're there, where the fire is, where the NATO meeting is or in a porn star's bedroom and we know she split up with her football player bf.
Media mediates between us and that place we don't reach .The only bad thing is we sometimes live in the illusion that everything we are exposed to has importance to us...hey, they have to earn some bucks. War is such a mood killer and so is economy ..and culture...bleah, boring. Take me back to the porn star bedroom :D .

Thought I forgot

song of the day

ha!

Keeping my promise.

I got home yesterday and I just loved how my hose looked. Don't imagine some fancy interior design. It was a real mess. My cat was depressed and non stop miau-ing because she was left alone with only a few moments of human contact when she got fed. Boots and shoes near the door, clothes thrown on chairs and on the bed in the bedrooms, an empty kitchen with a few dirty dishes in the sink and if you opened the fridge it was a sad landscape...empty except for some lemons and a ketchup bottle. And I loved it.
I was away for almost two weeks. Christmas with grandma and grandpa ...by force, they tied me up in the house!!!!! Thank God for internet mobile that makes life bearable. Then, with the New Year Holidays I was away again for the rest of my short and very busy vacation.

My point is that living alone is fantastic and every human being should live alone a period of their life.

I can't remember where I heard it but there is on hypothesis about why women take so much from their spouse ( domestic violence cheating, being the one who listens to his rules etc). The premises are that not most women live alone. They marry young and until they do they live with their parents, then they move to the husband's house or with them somewhere and it's just another version of living with your parents. Really, it's the same principle with animals who have always lived in a zoo. It is supposed that they can't adapt fast enough in the wild. Those women, if they were to divorce/leave the man, would have to live alone and do everything themselves. It took me four months to get the hand of paying all my bills, learning where, remembering to shop, to clean, to feed me and my cat and it gets harder everyday somehow. I have to balance that with going to school and seeing my mom and my bf and my friends etc etc.


But I love it. I have my rules and I know that I can manage on my own.

Everyday

I read in Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the Way Businesses Talk with Customers that one of the rules of having a successful blog is : Write often.
I am not looking to have a successful blog but I mean to be relevant, al least for my one reader, if he exists and to be relevant you have to relevant.

The most important promises are the ones to yourself so I promise to write on this blog everyday (when I have access to the internet) starting today. I told someone long ago that the first promises I break are the ones to myself. I should keep my promises and learn to look more ahead than in the past. Visions that have passed always look better than a foggy future. The difference is past things can be impossible while the future has never heard of that word. I figured that out today.

Life is meaningful everyday.

Initially I started taking mental notes. A lot of ironic and funny things happen around the Holidays around here. For example the papers write and write about eating healthy, but after the two giant pages of "let's eat salads" and in moderation come two giant color pages, full of photos , about our delicious traditional food : sarmale, sausages and all kinds of meat in huge quantities. Same thing on the news, the reports about drunk and hospital patients that come in for stomach and intestine problems from all the food they stuffed down their throats but then, the nice family stories about how they prepare the meal and work on it for days (duhhh, a pig is hard to cut and boil and grill and fry and....so on so on) and how happy and delicious it will be (the pig is not happy, just the family). Oh, and the shopping, everybody flooded the malls and stuff like that. Every year the same stories. Every year. We get it! Does the world by any chance stop? I s the was over all over the globe? Is famine abolished, and disease and the bloody swine flu? No! I get bored just by passing near a TV around the holidays. Regardless of what mediocrities they put on the telly I don't think there is a day without a lesson or a moment full of beauty, or punishment or dunno...a meningfull feeling, something that really touches you. Otherwise , I guess our soul would become numb. If the brain can die because you do not use it, I think it's more than probable that the same thing happens to the soul.

Foggy city...the beginning of the year.