Writer's block

I am having one...so what I do is think about it. When you can't write...is it because you don't have anything to write or it's because you think you don't have anything good to write?Or both. Or because you just don't want to share, there's a little autism in you. Or all of it? Grrrrrr.

My cat is surely not out of funny faces :


Searching...
I don't know any funny, happy happy songs :|




be glad I didn't post Memory =))

The Gaze

Looking into my kitty's eyes and thinking she is a person. But it's very clear that she doesn't know concepts/words like "telepathy" or "non-verbal communication" or "meaning". Still that doesn't mean there isn't some kind of understanding between us. She can tell whether I am angry or not, or if I want her to come sit near me or to stop scratching the bloody bed. What I don't really understand about her is what the hell does she see and understand while looking out the window. She can just sit there quietly and sometimes she is angry at someone/something and she growls like there's a dog there. Looking in her eyes is sometimes like looking at some pretty grass marbles.
Of course it's not about her only. We all think that we have at least a couple of people we can "look in the eye" and know what they're thinking. I think that is totally false. The eyes have nothing to do with it. We read non-verbal signs, we judge on past behavior or actions, we maybe guess. It's funny because when I imagine this saying "I look him in the eye" I imagine the eyes becoming transparent and we see directly in someone's brain. Ah, but the brain is soo damn far. Everything we say is processed, even if just in the millionth of the second in which we choose the words from our "dictionary". I am feeling very apocalyptical in regards to communication. It's easier to make people buy, to make people kill, to make people sell or watch something, to make them do anything than make someone understand what you are really thinking. It's the individual that is harder to open up and understand than a mass of people, especially on random little things...but at the end those are the intimate things that represent the glue between two peers or , if not understood, they can be the crack that makes the dam fall and the valley flooded.
We are our greatest manipulator. We feed on these apparently simple things like If I look him /her in the eyes I'll know if he/she's telling the truth/ is angry or not/ loves me or not/ likes me or not etc
Ah, and the little idealist in my head pokes my brain and says : yes, but there is trust. Such a fantastic concept, trust. Apart from the fact that I consider all faith, including in God a kind of trust, it's unbelievable that we can choose to believe something that we have no evidence of, based on trust (words are methods for gaining trust, not evidence). It's easier to be loved than trusted....actually, anything is easier than that, both getting it and giving it.
I trust in a lot of things to be honest, but I base my feeling on...God knows what. Definitely not on a look.

I do love the song

for X

Thought I forgot

song of the day

ha!

Keeping my promise.

I got home yesterday and I just loved how my hose looked. Don't imagine some fancy interior design. It was a real mess. My cat was depressed and non stop miau-ing because she was left alone with only a few moments of human contact when she got fed. Boots and shoes near the door, clothes thrown on chairs and on the bed in the bedrooms, an empty kitchen with a few dirty dishes in the sink and if you opened the fridge it was a sad landscape...empty except for some lemons and a ketchup bottle. And I loved it.
I was away for almost two weeks. Christmas with grandma and grandpa ...by force, they tied me up in the house!!!!! Thank God for internet mobile that makes life bearable. Then, with the New Year Holidays I was away again for the rest of my short and very busy vacation.

My point is that living alone is fantastic and every human being should live alone a period of their life.

I can't remember where I heard it but there is on hypothesis about why women take so much from their spouse ( domestic violence cheating, being the one who listens to his rules etc). The premises are that not most women live alone. They marry young and until they do they live with their parents, then they move to the husband's house or with them somewhere and it's just another version of living with your parents. Really, it's the same principle with animals who have always lived in a zoo. It is supposed that they can't adapt fast enough in the wild. Those women, if they were to divorce/leave the man, would have to live alone and do everything themselves. It took me four months to get the hand of paying all my bills, learning where, remembering to shop, to clean, to feed me and my cat and it gets harder everyday somehow. I have to balance that with going to school and seeing my mom and my bf and my friends etc etc.


But I love it. I have my rules and I know that I can manage on my own.